We've been budgeting for and weighing the options of two major expenses lately: a house and a new car. Perhaps we should have included a third consideration. Summer clothes. While many law firms are moving to a more casual dress code around the office, our firm in Denver is maintaining the traditional "suit and tie to work" sort of atmosphere. This of course means we need to revamp our suit and tie collection (with heavy emphasis on the suit part) - which means money. Big money. We're $taring at the receipt right now, thinking how today'$ wardrobe enhancement$ could have been a nice down payment on a house.
Oh well. As we and Murray always used to say, "You can't put a price tag on looking good."
Actually, we never said that. Nor has Murray. But it sounds like something he'd say, and we agree wholeheartedly.
We don't know how the sales biz works for people at clothing stores (do they work off commission, salary, hourly, or some combo?), but in our limited shopping experience we've found that the salesmen at men's clothing stores are always an odd bunch. Don't ask us why, they just are.
Terrible jokes.
Terrible shirt/tie combinations.
Terrible salesmen.
Actually, one man who helped us today was pretty nice, and we ended up purchasing from his store. But as we were checking out, we encountered another sales associate (a middle aged woman who wears clothes 3 sizes too small and smokes 3 packs a day too many) who fit the "odd mold" much better. Seeing she was jealous of the contribution we had just made to the other salesman's retirement fund, we struck up a conversation with her:
Us: "The nice thing about spending this much money on suits is that we don't have to do it very often. The next time we buy a suit, it'll be the kind with no pockets that they put on you when they lay you in your coffin." [we winked at her playfully]
Sales dude: "Yes, its an investment for sure."
Us: "No kidding. Hopefully this should get us through law school"
Sales Lady: "Law school huh? You can afford all of this. You'll be making the big bucks. There's plenty of money and work for you out there."
Us: "That's what we're counting on."
Sales Lady: "It's true. My brother got his law degree, but he doesn't practice law. Well, he can't
practice law, really."
Us: "Oh? Why is that? What does he do?"
Sales Lady: "Well, he's in jail. He got his law degree while he was in jail. But even when he gets out, he won't be able to practice, cuz the Bar won't let him. It's probably the whole jail thing."
Us: [speechless] [also, staring]
Sales Lady: "Yeah, he murdered his wife. [laugh/chuckle] So he's been in prison for a while. But even though he can't practice law when he gets out, it'll be nice to put on his resume."
Us: [in our head: What the !@%$#?] [and, "please tell me she's kidding about the getting out part] [and, "yes, we're sure that ol' Juris Doctor will look real good on the resume, right under Prior Residence: Georgia State Penitentiary"]
Sales Lady: "Yup, everyday he'd get on the bus from the jail and go to school. Pretty good deal, the State paid for all of it. Now he gives, like, legal advice and stuff to the other inmates, and he's a Trustee for a lot of them and works up in the Warden's office."
Us: [still to ourself: hmmm, can't think of a better person to trust our life and our life's earnings to. "Legal services for hire - I'll help you take the law into your own hands..."]
Sales Dude: "Wow."
Sales Lady: "I know! I always wanted to get a law degree, it was just too much money. Kinda makes me think I should kill somebody so I can get that same deal as my brother."
Sales Dude: [thinking: Noo, wow, you're an idiot and I can't believe you just said that] "Wellll, I'm sure it's cost him a lot more than just tuition."
Us: [almost out loud in very high voice: "Shiiiiiiiit."]
Sales Lady: "Yeah, but - it's Free! I mean, absolutely free! You can't beat that!"
========
We walked away. Part of us soo badly wanted to stay and probe this woman's mind with leading questions that would border on absurdity (yet with feigned sincerity), but we decided our time wasn't worth it at this point. After all, we don't know what they bill behind bars, but on this side of the barbed wire we're charging around $75 - 80/hour as a summer associate. The peace of mind that we won't kill you is free.
Why Georgia is paying for inmates to get a worthless JD we'll never know (assuming its true). Why that woman ever thought a free worthless degree was worth killing someone is depravity at its finest(?). Surely this woman was joking, you say. We personally don't think she was.
What we said earlier is true, you can't put a price tag on looking good. You also can't put a price tag on not being in jail for murdering somebody. But we're pretty sure that if you DID put a price tag on it, its worth way more than the "Buy One 25-Life Sentence And Get a Juris Doctor Degree For FREE" deal they're running down at the Ga Pen.
Which makes our large clothing purchase look like a steal. Pun very much intended.
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4 comments:
That reminds me of the phone calls I used to get while working in the SC Senate. People would typically call in and want the Senator to "pull some of them strings" for incarcerated family members.
I'm not sure it's in Georgia's best interest to give the criminal mind knowledge of all the legal loopholes. After all, in law school you learn the rules, more importantly the reasoning behind the rules, and finally the exceptions (sometimes known as loopholes) to the rules. If the guy is in prison to pay his debt to society (unfortunately not to pay his debt to the family of the person he murdered), then why does society have to pay for a legal education which cannot be used to better society? That's absurd and ineffifient. All of the sudden I'm a bigger fan of the free HBO and gym memberships we've been providing for the last 30 years.
For the record, I'm not opposed, per se, to criminals getting a legal education. I just don't think it's consistent that society should foot the bill. I'm a law-abiding citizen who is, by God's grace, wanting to make a great contribution to society while going into personal debt for it.
That guy in jail may have some kind of law degree...but he sure as heck don't have a good looking suit to go along with it.
LOL... great story.
that's an amazing story luther! wowwwwwwww..... i think i'm going to choose the people who sit next to me pretty wisely for this coming fall's classes!
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