Sleuth plays football in the Ritz Carlton, Part 2

We're pretty sure that most guys, at some point in their life, have dreamed of tackling a would be criminal. That's why we love action movies, comic books, and superheros. If only WE had a chance to go head to head with the bad guys, then maybe we'd be as sweet and totally awesome as the dudes on TV. And maybe the hot girls would like us now.

Although they didn't know it at the time, that was exactly the situation the Fab Four were in when we last left them.

Imagine the familiar scene of the main street in a small western town...an empty dirt road with trading posts and saloons on either side. A few tumbleweed bouncing across the dusty street as two groups of cowboys square off, each staring resolutely at the other, daring them to make the first move. Good guys v. bad guys, everyone holding their breath in anticipation of what will happen. Time stands still...

This was nothing like that.

Jonathan was gathering his wits after being nearly run over by the fleeing jewel thieves, while Sleuth, Daniel and Chris were stuck somewhere between "speechless" and "braced for impact." The two crooks were flying full speed down the hallway toward the Fab Four - a collision was inevitable. That's when the Blackstone instinct kicked in, and the sharp minds of well-trained law students took over (though cleverly disguised by their chiseled abs and incredibly good looks). The three interns put their hands together, yelled "Triangulate!", and before you could say "Jack Robinson," the Sleuth, Daniel and Chris formed a flying V (which looks very much like a triangle) and jumped into action.

Dumb Crook #1 zigged and zagged to the right, heading straight for Sleuth. Now, when most guys dream of apprehending a criminal or warding off the bad guys, they probably imagine an amazing fist fight, or a flying tackle from a second story window. Evidently, the Sleuth had never thought about these things before, or if he had, the thought of a full fledge linebacker tackle did not cross his mind in the seconds leading up to his formal introduction to Dumb Crook #1. So when the the crook came barreling down on him at full speed, he did what immediately came to mind, and stepped aside to avoid the hit.

And then he tripped him.

Not just any trip, mind you, but a bonafide I-will-make-you-wish-you'd-never-walked-by-me trip. In fact, just to make sure the nature of his tripping was clear, Sleuth put a little umph behind his tripping leg. Instant replay later showed that he actually scissor-kicked the robber in the kneecaps.

[Below: Chris and Daniel show off their battle wounds]

Up went Dumb Crook #1's legs, down went Dumb Crook #1's head. His face planted right in the carpet. Sleuth whirled around, only to witness Chris "That's why my friends call me Whiskers" pounce on top of the crook like a cat on a mouse. Though the details are a bit hazy, the Fab Four later discussed and confirmed that at this point a voice from heaven boomed out: "Dogpile!" Sleuth needed no second invitation. He dove on top of Chris, and the three wrestled around on the ground for over a minute. Sleuth managed to get his right arm around Dumb Crook #1's head, and kept him in a headlock while he kicked and punched and kept yelling "It wasn't me...I didn't do it." The getaway car keys and black suitcase laying on the floor, now open with jewels strewn across the floor, suggested that Dumb Crook #1 was not being completely honest.

With Sleuth and Chris occupied, this left Daniel in a one-on-one with Dumb Crook #2. Unknown to many, Daniel was a star wide receiver in high school, and despite being removed from the game for over 4 years, his football skills were still sharp. So, like any good wide receiver does after his team has turned over the ball and he's suddenly faced with playing defense, Daniel did exactly what he was trained to do:

He dropped down in the fetal position and attempted to chop block the fleeing robber.

Daniel's coach would have been proud. The robber flew threw the air and landed with a thud on the carpet behind him. To the robber's delight, the exit doors (and freedom) were only a few feet away from where he skidded to a halt. To his dismay, a 6'2" University of Richmond Law School 2L was holding on to his ankles. The two engaged in an epic hand to feet combat. Daniel was dragged across the carpet and was wounded in the battle. The crook eventually managed to wriggle free and escaped out of the side doors.

[Above: Daniel's rug burn]

Meanwhile, Sleuth and Chris had finally subdued Dumb Crook #1, and although he continued to struggle slightly, Sleuth firmly held him in a headlock while Chris helped pin him to the ground. Jonathan and Daniel stood by the doors to prevent any further escape attempts, and an excited bellhop was yelling frantically into his walkie talkie for security guard assistance.

At this point, Sleuth made what some would deem a brash decision, motivated in part by the fact that he was beginning to feel a little awkward as he lay crotch-to-butt on top of a complete stranger in the middle of the Ritz floor. With words of motivation from Jack Bauer and Chuck Norris ringing in his ears, he and Chris picked the criminal up off the ground, and with all their strength slammed him up against the wall. The crook began to fight again, so Sleuth responded by choking his neck and sternly reprimanding him: "If you keep fighting I'm gonna keep choking you harder!!" As they pinned him to the wall, he began to grasp violently for his back left pocket, and realizing that he was likely trying to get a knife or other weapon, Chris yelled out to Sleuth and struggled to keep the Dumb Crook from reaching his pocket.

Security arrived just in the knick of time...

(to be continued)