Overheard

The law school has a limited number of "deluxe" study carrels available for student use. We use "deluxe" to distinguish these carrels, which are given only to winners of a school-wide lottery OR distinguished members of the SC Law Review, from the regular carrels available on a first come first serve basis. Also, the deluxe carrels have a door w/lock, window, filing cabinet, and built-in shelves.

What they do not have is soundproofing.

The carrels stand approximately 8 feet high, but the walls do not extend to the ceiling. There are about 20 of them side by side and several rows wide. Though most people are respectful of the fact that the carrels are located in a library, and house people who are intent on studying, there are a handful of people who fail to maintain the desired level of quiet.

Those people also seem to forget that everything they say can be heard by anyone within earshot, regardless of whether their door, or their neighbor's door, is closed.

There is one particular person who especially annoys us in this regard. It doesn't help that he is a rather large chap, or that his voice is unusually high and breathy for a man of his size. He speaks with a distinct Southern accent, sort of like Huckleberry Hounddog.

All semester, this particular gentleman would have telephone conversations in his carrel. Generally, he sounded exasperated, perturbed, and upset with the person on the other end. Without fail, however, he would end his conversation with a rather forced "I love you too."

We speculated that he was a newlywed, who's long hours in the library were taking a toll on his relationship with his new bride.

And then we heard this conversation during the final week of Final Exams last December. It was all we could do to keep from laughing out loud as we imagined what was being said on the other end of the phone while we typed out word-for-word what was being said. Like usual, our friend was speaking in his wit's end, frustrated voice:

Huckleberry Houndog: "Yeah, I just finished."

[Our imagination about the what the other conversationalist must have said to warrant that response]: Are you done with your exam?

Huck: "It was about property and stuff."

Imagination: She probably just asked, "What was the exam on?" [funny, you'd think his wife would be on top of this. Also, it doesn't bode well for your grade when your description is "property and stuff"]

Huck: "I don’t really have any clue."

Imagination: She must have asked "How do you think you did?"

Huck: "I can tell you this, every single one of my classmates is going out to have a beer right now."

Imagination: She said, "It was pretty difficult, huh?"

Huck: "Here’s a toned down version: imagine Andre the Giant giving a proctology exam."

Imagination: She must have asked "Well how hard was it?" But ew, please don't make us imagine that.

Huck: "I’m still pulling his foot out of my rectal cavity, it’s pretty far up there right now."

Imagination: If this guy's wife is as smart as he is, she probably had just asked "What's a proctology exam?"

Huck: "No Ma’am, I’m gonna go home and watch a Western, watch John Wayne kill a few people and call it a night."

Imagination: The wife probably just made sure that he wasn't going out drinking with his classmates. She must really have him on a chain...who says ma'am to their wife??

Huck: Let me tell you something, Mother. On the morning of December 12th I don’t want you calling the house early, because I’m gonna be asleep in my bed.

Imagination: MOTHER?!?! NO. WAY. It's his mom he's been talking to all of these weeks? WOW, this totally changes everything!! Quick, find someone to come listen to this...

Huck: "Mom, I’m hanging up the phone. I don’t want to listen to another one of your lectures."

Imagination: This is unbelievable.