Dog Tired

There are some people to whom you’d rather not sell a roof. And there are some times that these people actually sign up with you, despite your best efforts. There are many tricks of the trade when it comes to avoiding undesirable work, like overpricing the job, telling the customer you’ll get back to them (and then don’t), or just being straightforward and telling them you won’t do it. Usually these tricks work. Sometimes they don’t.

It’s funny. Often, as soon as you see the house you know the job is not worth your time. Or sometimes it’s when you finally meet the customer that you realize this job is a no go. But as the great theologian Blues Traveler once quipped, “the hook brings you back.” In roofing, the hook = money. Just when you think you’ve managed to dodge a roofing nightmare, the cash brings you back. When you look at the bottom line and realize how much you’ll make, somehow the potential headaches are forgotten, if just long enough for you to make the mistake of signing the contract with the customer. Oops.

Brien recently secured one of these jobs.

The first red flag came when the woman answered the door. Accompanied by a gang of dogs. Brien made his way through the yapping herd and attempted to discuss the roof situation with the owner. It didn’t take long for him to get frustrated with the mongrels and he asked if they could move outside. The woman agreed and quickly laid out her plan of escape for Brien. “Go this way first,” she pointed, “and then quickly run back the other way and out that door over there. The dogs will think you’re going out the side and that will trick them just long enough for you to get out the back.”

The plan worked, although upon reaching the backyard Brien realized it housed as many dogs as the living room. The dogs were everywhere, and they tried to chase him as he scurried up the ladder. “I used to always swear that I would never have more than nine dogs, that I would never be one of those ‘double digit’ people with all the dogs,” the woman lamented out loud to Brien. He had no response for that.

Brien was ready to get the H out that place, and was making any excuse he could to leave when the woman pulled out her checkbook and asked him “How much do I owe you now?” Cha Ching! Now, no matter undesirable a job may be, when the customer appears to be eager to write checks willy nilly, its hard to say no to the easy cash flow. So Brien took it.

We may still regret this decision.

In all, we have counted approximately 25 dogs at this house. For now, we refer to this job by the woman’s last name, although on occasion we have dubbed the project the Nice Bitch House – after all, she is nice, and she does have a lot of female dogs. The owner has some of the biggest acreage we’ve seen yet down here in south Florida – she purchased one house, outgrew it with her dog family and when the lot next door when up for sale she purchased that too so the dogs would have more space to roam.

So far, every time a member of MPC has stopped by the house, the Dog Lady is cooking some dinner for the canines in a big black cauldron on the stove. We’re not sure what it is that she’s cooking, but we fear it may be the crew members of the previous roofing company she had hired.

We recently received a check in the mail from the Dog Lady. A small dog smiled at us from the return address, and the envelope had a postmark right across the dog stamp. The check had dogs all over it, and I am convinced that the envelope was not sealed with human saliva.

Winston has taken over this project, and I will post more stories from him as they develop. Until then, be careful who you sell a roof to.