I believe that I stumbled across the first (and maybe only) Hebrew redneck worthy of Jeff Foxworthy approval. Esau the Stable Guy.
Here's why i'm willing to grant Esau redneck status:
Esau loved to hunt, and he was a man of the earth.
His nickname was "Red." This is in part because of his thick hair, not just on his head but "all over like a hairy garmet."
He gave up the money his old man would have left him for a bowl of soup. Lentil soup, actually, which is like the Hebrew equivalent of the Ramen you can buy at Walmart for 15 cents. Probably went down like this:
Esau: "Hey man, lemme have a swaller of that there stew ya got cookin there."
Jacob: "First give me the deed to the double wide and the keys to Daddy's F-150 that you'll get when the old man finally kicks it."
Esau: "Gah dang man I'm so hungry I could eat a horse. Aaight, you gimme some of that there soup, I'll give ya them deeds and keys. Shoot man, what the hell, you gimme that whole pot and I'll give ya them new tires I been meaning to put on that truck. Now get r done, man."
Jacob: First swear to me.
Esau: Look here you @*!# piece of *$#!. Gimme that soup 'fore I kick your ass so hard you'll have to drop your pants just to chew your food.
His nickname was Red. This is also because of the color of the soup. This is like calling a guy Bud because of what he drinks.
Esau lived at home until he was 40.
Esau married two girls at once.
Then Esau married a few more times.
Jacob and Esau were prophecied to be two nations struggling against each other. Esau was the Southern nation.
There's a lot more, but I'll leave it at that for now. To conclude, here is a picture of what I imagine Esau might have looked like, were he to have gone to the racetrack one day.
1 comment:
Where did you find that picture of me? I'm just glad I was still wearing pants.
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