The Homeowner's Association

Florida and I butted heads this morning. Thus far I’ve overlooked many of the less desirable aspects of living in south Florida, and I’ve put up with things I normally would detest – the ubiquitous suburban sprawl, the overwhelming concentration of wealth, the tolls, and a general community vibe that is most concerned with appearance (be it individual or corporate). Look up materialism in the dictionary and you will find Coral Springs and Ft. Lauderdale listed as synonyms.

As of this morning, I’ve added another suburban enemy – the homeowner’s association.

I should have seen it coming. My first morning here, our next door neighbor woke Brien and I up by knocking on our door, quickly welcoming us to the neighborhood and then announcing that he was the president of the Homeowner’s Association and that the U-haul trailer I was unloading couldn’t stick out in the road like it was. It overhung our driveway by a foot.

For many of you who grew up in places where everyone has the same mailbox and the biggest local debate is whether or not to rebuild the community pool, an HA is probably a normal thing. Part of me understands it – the concern that the neighborhood look nice or that you don’t get somebody with an overgrown yard or a car on blocks requires a governing body to maintain certain standards. Somebody’s got to regulate. But for me, a guy who grew up in a house where you couldn’t see or hear the closest “neighbor” and the “neighborhood” consisted of a green sign and historical marker 1 mile up the road, the idea of some “other group” telling me what I can and can’t do in my property/house is a foreign and frightening concept.

We received the following letter this morning, VIA CERTIFIED MAIL.

Dear Mr. Meyer,

It has come to the attention of the Board of Directors that you are parking commercial vehicles on the property overnight
which is in direct violation of the Association’s Governing Documents and Rules and Regulations.

Please cease and desist from this illegal parking practice immediately.


Are you kidding me? They didn’t even mention it to us or give us a call, they just wrote us a letter and sent it certified as if we were some delinquent debtor on the run from Johnny law. And a commercial vehicle? In a way, I think Wilma Mae, (my truck) and Brien’s truck (whatever her name is) will take this as a compliment. I think. But commercial vehicle? Come on, we’re just two dudes with trucks. Where’s the crime in that? The rules section regarding commercial vehicles also stipulates that any vehicle deemed “a nuisance” by the Board are also illegal. Apparently the guy with the Hummer down the street is ok, because that gigantic piece of gas guzzling metal is definitely a necessary part of residential living, but a pick up truck – that’s excessive. Cease and desist? I expect by the end of the day to see a guy with a megaphone in our front yard yelling “cease and desist,” as if we were some violent rioters or our house was harboring suspected criminals. I blame this all on Reconstruction.

I do not like HA’s. I do not like them, Sam I am. I located our copy of the “governing documents,” and will be having a bonfire tonight in honor of our Homeowner’s Association. All are welcome. Be sure to bring your own kindling.