Tales from Meyer's Pride

Meyer’s Pride Construction, LLC, is officially in business. Our first task was a trip to Walmart. The reason for our visit was due to a bit of advise that the home inspector had offered to Brien on the recent walk-through in Brien’s newly purchased home (hereinafter referred to as “Manville South” and/or “Monster Garage”). The inspector informed Murray (in his heavy British accent) that, besides being a “cosmetic eyesore,” the outlet in the master bathroom needed to be fixed because it could be “potentially lethal.”

We arrived at Walmart and began our search for the Ground Fault Circuit Interrupter, the device that would apparently correct the lethal outlet. We soon spotted a blue vest with the words “How may I help you” emblazoned on the back. Pay dirt. The following conversation then ensued between Brien and the Walmart employee:

Murray: Excuse me, do you know where I could find a GFCI?

Walmart dude: A what?

Murray: A GFCI. Ground Fault Circuit Interrupter.

Walmart dude: What is that? I don’t understand what you’re talking about.

Murray: A GFCI.

Walmart dude: I can’t understand you.

The old Walmart dude walked away. It was at this point that I realized that I was no longer in the South, but in the 6th Borough. First, judging by his demeanor, accent, age, the thick glasses, and the mesh hat he was wearing, the Walmart dude was obviously a former Navy man, a northeasterner who had retired to the sunny south beaches to fulfill his lifelong dream of working part time in the appliance section of Walmart. This dude was a Yankee through and through. Second, after listening once to Murray’s rapid and sometimes difficult to understand speech patterns, he was no longer interested in trying to figure out what Murray was saying. Or to help us. So much for customer service and southern hospitality.

We searched a little longer and found another employee. She referred us to the service counter in the home appliance section. We arrived only to find our friend, the Walmart dude, solely managing the home appliance counter.

Murray: I looked in the electrical section, but I couldn’t find a Ground Fault Circuit Conductor.

Walmart dude: A what? (he leaned in really close to Murray’s face) I don’t understand what you’re saying. (there was an edge in his voice – he was annoyed)

Murray: Ok, it’s a thing you put on your outlet so if you’re drying your hair with a hair dryer or something and drop it in the bathtub it won’t electrocute you. It’s an electrical thing.

Walmart dude: I was a carpenter for thirty years, I don’t know electrical stuff. But I’ve never heard of this thing. What’s it called again?

Murray: A GFCI. I’ve never bought one, but my building inspector told me I needed to get one.

Walmart dude: So you just bought a house and the inspector told you this? He’s bullshitting you. I’ve never heard of it in my thirty years of carpentry. But tell me what you think it does, I want to learn something here.

By now, Murray, me and Jamie were all laughing a the Walmart dude’s antics and jokes. At least he had lightened up a little bit. Murray again explained what he thought the GFCI did. Jamie then piped up and asked Murray if he even used a hair dryer and if this would ever be an issue, to which Murray laughed and replied with that famous playful smirk, “No, but you know the inspector guy said it was lethal!”

Walmart dude: The guy told you this? Why the hell would you be drying your hair in the bathtub anyway? Are you boys done messing with me?

Murray: (laughing) We’re not messing with you.

Walmart dude: Yeah right, you boys are all laughing and having a good time, but now I’m gonna get back to what I was doing before you hooligans came along, which was nothing.

To confirm that we were crazy, and that Walmart dude was justified in his ignorance, he began to ask every person that walked past if they knew what a GFCI was. The kitchen lady didn’t know, the three high school boys pushing a large cart didn’t know, and the guy who was clearly Walmart’s electronic expert hadn’t heard of it. Walmart dude then turned to the girl that had just showed up to take over the home appliance counter and said:

Walmart dude: This guy here claims to be looking for something that lets you stand in a bathtub full of water and drop your hairdryer into it and not get shocked. You ever heard of anything like that?

She hadn’t. She only knew paints.

Walmart dude: You need to tell that british inspector to go back across the ocean to his queen. What does that queen do anyway? She makes $4 million a year for doing what? I mean, our President doesn’t do anything, but at least we don’t pay him $4 million a year. (I make no claims as to the accuracy of Walmart dude’s knowledge of the queens salary)

Murray: Uhh…

Walmart girl who only knows paints: I’ve called the area supervisor, he’s coming over to show you where the GFCI is. (to the Walmart dude) Murray, I told you, I don’t know anything except paints.

Walmart dude’s name is Murray!?! Go figure.

We found the GFCI. Brien took it back to Walmart Murray and had him read the letters out loud. G-F-C-I. We had won.

So in case you were wondering, there is such a thing as Ground Fault Circuit Interrupter. Meyer’s Pride Construction, LLC now owns one.