Three Blind Mice, down but now out

Craigslist almost came through with a BFD (think BGF from Doom, then insert Date instead of Gun).
The following is our daylong email conversation with Melissa, the first and only real taker on our Craigslist ad we submitted last night. Our emails are in ALL CAPS...
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Just wanted to let you guys know that you're all very brave. Good luck.

THANKS. I TAKE IT THAT MEANS YOU ALREADY HAVE PLANS FOR TONIGHT?

No Plans. But I live in Miami Lakes. Look at you, your last name is [Sleuth], related
to [Famous Sleuth]?

I HOPE WE'RE KIN, BUT THE [SLEUTH] FAMILY TREE GETS A BIT PATCHY A FEW HUNDRED YEARS BACK. IT'S ACTUALLY A PROJECT I'M STARTING TO WORK ON.
WHERE IS MIAMI LAKES? DO YOU HAVE TWO MORE FRIENDS THAT WOULD WANT TO JOIN US FOR DINNER?

Miami Lakes is where Don Shula's Golf course is (its sort of North of Miami). I do not have 2 more friends that could join us because it's a school night and most have that to take care of. You guys are too funny, who's idea was this?

A SCHOOL NIGHT THEY HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF, HUH? THIS MEANS ONE OF THREE THINGS:

1) THEY ARE TEACHERS. IF SO, I PROPOSE WE MEET YOU FOR DINNER, AFTER WHICH THEY CAN GO HOME TO PREPARE FOR SCHOOL.
2) THEY ARE STUDENTS. IF THIS IS THE CASE, WHAT FEMALE STUDENT EVER PASSED UP AN INVITE FOR DINNER ON VALENTINES DAY TO STUDY FOR CLASS?
3) THEY HAVE KIDS THAT ARE STUDENTS. IN THIS SCENARIO, THEY SHOULD PROBABLY BE OUT WITH THEIR HUSBANDS TONIGHT ANYWAY.
YOU'RE EXCUSES AREN'T HOLDING MUCH WATER. WHAT SAY YOU, MELISSA?

You guys sound rather interesting (untraditional). Will you guys head over to Miami Lakes? Im a little sick but I'm willing to make sacrificies.
I think the answer is (2). Poor them.

I FIND US PRETTY INTERESTING.

WE ARE WILLING TO HEAD TO MIAMI LAKES, BUT ONLY IF YOU CAN PROMISE US 3 DATES. FROM THE BEGINNING THE THREE BLIND MICE WERE IN THIS TOGETHER. SURELY TWO OF YOUR FRIENDS CAN SPARE 2 HOURS FOR DINNER. NO ONE STUDIES THAT MUCH. YOU'RE NOT, NEITHER SHOULD THEY.

Hey [Sleuth]

I'm willing to work this out. What time is best? If this is starting to drive you crazy call me at [NUMBER REDACTED TO MAINTAIN MELISSA'S PRIVACY].
I'm 22. Mel

P.S. R u guys paying for our dinner too?
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** Note: at this point, Jamey, Murray and I began working feverishly to secure dinner reservations at a restaurant somewhere between Coral Springs and Miami Lakes. And of course we were paying. Jamey found most places were booked by now (surprise), but got us the Chili’s at Pembroke Pines

In addition, Melissa now had competition. I had received an email from someone named Bill Bonds, which said the following:
I am a married white male living in Pensacola.
Middle-aged, bald, and morbidly obese. Also a virgin,
have one child, and enjoy Texas hold-em. Good luck in
your quest :)

P.s. The curley haired guy is the cutest!

A little unnerved by a married white male being interested in us, I quickly created a Hotmail account (the3blindmice@hotmail.com) and responded:

Bill (or should I call you Willy?),

Thanks for your inquiry (despite how indirect you were) into a possible date with us tonight (even if you are all the way in Pensacola). I can sympathize with your last minute desperation.

However, I regret to inform you that our ad has already been answered and we have successfully secured our dates for this evening.

Sorry, but as I'm sure you know, you gotta act fast on these things. Tis the nature of Craigslist. The good deals go quickly.

Best wishes on your "quest" as well.

Sincerely,

Three Blind Mice

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At this point, Melissa emailed me back.


Scratch that, Fever went up. Good luck, I hope u do this next year.


MELISSA,
WE ARE SAD TO HEAR YOU ARE SICK. AND THAT YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO MEET US FOR DINNER. I'M SORRY I WASN'T ABLE TO GET BACK TO YOU EARLIER TODAY, WE WERE OUT AND JUST NOW GOT BACK. HOPE YOU FEEL BETTER, AND IT HAS BEEN GREAT TALKING WITH YOU TODAY.
SINCERELY,
[SLEUTH]

Sweet response.
Happy Valentine's Day to the three blind mice (wink).
-Mel

As the saying goes, "Craigslist was not a lady tonight. Craigslist was a bastard."
At least I have Murray.