Le Tub v. McDonalds

Last night we visited Le Tub, a local hamburger joint. I went in part because Brien and Jamey had been before and highly recommended the burgers. Also, GQ magazine, which has Top Lists on everything from the 20 Worst Dressed British Males to the 10 Most Hated Athletes, had rated Le Tub as the #1 Hamburger You Must Eat Before You Die.

I took this to mean that I was about to spend $10.50 for the best hamburger in America (which Brien noted meant by default was also the best hamburger in the world).

I was wrong.

Supposedly, getting cheese adds $2 to this already expensive vegetarian nightmare, so I prepared to save some money by bringing my own cheese. Unfortunately, I left the cheese on the counter at home. This disappointment subsided temporarily when we arrived at Le Tub - the place looked pretty awesome. Situated on the intercostal waterway, the restaurant resembles the Swiss Family Robinson's tree house, only spread out right along the edge of the water, and not quite so high up off of the ground. In between some of the tables, the bamboo and the palm trees are several porch swings, and the place is lit by a few lanterns and the ocassional tiki torch. This would be a sweet date restaurant.

The fact that the restaurant was decorated with toilets everwhere should have been a sign that things might get crappy.

We almost decided against eating there when we were told there was about an hour wait. However, this seemed like a small sacrifice for the best burger in the world. We ordered and then waited for 1.5 hours for our food. The lady was nice enough to keep bringing us chips and salsa, but that was about all we got. Unless you order alcohol, the only drinks you get you have to fetch for yourself with a Dixie cup from the orange cooler around the corner.

It was the worst burger I ever ate. Besides being too big to fit in my mouth, it was charred beyond belief. The burger was about 2 inches thick. Nearly 1/2 inch of that was burnt. The middle was barely cooked. This was hard to notice in the dark, but a picture later revealed the rare meat that was hidden by the crispy crunchy outer crust. I pray this is not the last post I make before I die from Escherichia coli. Everyone finished their burger except Dave and I. We complained, and the lady gave it too us for 1/2 price. On the way out I noticed the said "Complaint Department" - it pointed to the parking lot dumpster.

Le Tub was Le Gross and Le Burnt. The atmosphere was pretty Le Cool, but it was way over Le Priced and the food/service basically Le Sucked. I want my Armando's.

The only thing that redeemed the evening was that 45 minutes into the wait we decided to call Mel, our friend from Craigslist.
She sounds Le Sweet.