Worst Apology. Ever.

You can read the full story online.

Here's the gist:
Todd Graham used to coach football for Rice. He now coaches Rice's rival school, Tulsa.
At this year's Tulsa v. Rice football game, the Rice marching band performed a 10-minute halftime show entitled "Todd Graham's Inferno." The show consisted of a "music and a skit that paralleled Dante's "Divine Comedy," and acted like it was searching for Graham."

At the end, the band's director called Graham a "douche bag" over the Rice Stadium's public address system.

You can imagine the reactions.

And now, for the apology from the band director:

"I always apologize when people are upset. It's just what you owe people.

"When you're being creative and putting something out there, you know what you meant. But as soon

as it's out there, it belongs to the people who heard it; and, when it upsets them, you apologize.

"The intent wasn't to be mean or insulting. It was to poke fun and be funny. Since it came across different than that, then I certainly apologize.

Not only is the band director ignorant when it comes to apologies, but he's ignorant when it comes to language, too.

"[Douche bag] was sort of a mild insult . . . it was used to get the point across but not dirty . . . In all common usage I see, it's devoid of any literal meaning. I looked it up and it means someone that talks big about himself and that is a jerk."

A quick Google search would disagree.

Maybe that's why the pinnacle of his academic/professional career is a MARCHING BAND DIRECTOR. Of course, with a name like Chuck Throckmorton, what do you expect?

Giving him the business

It's no secret, we Manville folks tend to watch a lot of football. A lot. And as anyone who follows football knows, or any sport for that matter, history is important.

Coaches know it - a good history of coaching can make up for a bad year, while an unsuccessful past creates a short fuse for fans and the higher-ups.

Players know it - any record they achieve warrants at least a passing nod at the previous record holder, and players often talk about the track record of this team or that game in anticipation of an upcoming match.

Announcers know it too - when they're not giving an oral description of what's taking place on the field of play (which we can all see anyway - that's why we turned the tv on in the first place), they're usually talking about this historical stat or that historical fact or trying to impress/entertain/bore us with their knowledge of past sports trivia.

But guess who you don't see making much mention of history? The referees and umpires. Of course, we don't really expect it - their job is to control the present game. The closest they come to discussing sports history is the replay booth.

Which is why this video clip is so brilliant. Listen to the referee's description of the penalty called on the field.



Now, that in and of itself is funny.

But we were curious, so a little Google search revealed that this was no spontaneous stand-up by the ACC official - it was in fact an allusion to the annals of football refereeing history, an inside joke that only a handful of sports scholars will get.

Here's what I found: In 1986, the New York Jets played the Buffalo Bills. During a play, the Jets' player (Marty Lyons) who tackled the Bills quarterback got a little violent, and began punching the quarterback (Jim Kelly) in the head. A fight ensued.

Now, evidently this created some sort of problem for the referee. What penalty to call? We assume that the classic "Personal Foul" or "Unsportsmanlike Conduct" penalty was not yet in existence, otherwise that would most surely been the call. But instead, the referee faced the press box and announced:

"Number 99 of the defense, after tackling the quarterback, was giving him the business down there!"

See for yourself:


We don't expect that this will inspire many referees to start spicing up their announcing - after all, making light of the game will likely cause any disgruntled fan/coach/player to lob accusations of partiality.

But every now and then, a recognition of the great Zebras who have come before you is a fitting touch.

We salute you, Mr. Historically Savvy and Ballsy Football Referee Guy.

Message in a Bottle

First, we should note that it recently came to our attention that the previous 3 or 4 blog posts have had a subtle sort of "human anatomy" theme running through them. We agree, and apologize for any confusion/suspicion that may have caused. Said theme was completely unintended, though it hindsight it strikes us as rather humorous.

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An article has been posted on the bulletin board in the law school library for several weeks.
We've never stopped to read it, but the title is always an eye catcher.

"Bottled Water: Worse than Gasoline?"

Today we finally decided to go read the article, only to find that it had been removed from the board. We haven't found it on Google yet.

But we did find this article, which discusses in detail the bottled water industry. Personally, we have never been a fan of bottled water. For one, we don't like the way it tastes, especially compared to the well water we grew up drinking. For two, we've NEVER been able to justify paying money for something we could easily get for free (and don't like the taste of). Coke or Guinness doesn't come out of the tap in our sink, but water does. Judging by this article, there are a lot of other people who share our sentiments.

Consider (excerpted from the article):

"Thirty years ago, bottled water barely existed as a business in the United States. Last year, we spent more on Poland Spring, Fiji Water, Evian, Aquafina, and Dasani than we spent on iPods or movie tickets--$15 billion. It will be $16 billion this year."
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"A chilled plastic bottle of water in the convenience-store cooler is the perfect symbol of this moment in American commerce and culture. It acknowledges our demand for instant gratification, our vanity, our token concern for health." -----------------

"We buy bottled water because we think it's healthy. Which it is, of course: Every 12-year-old who buys a bottle of water from a vending machine instead of a 16-ounce Coke is inarguably making a healthier choice. But bottled water isn't healthier, or safer, than tap water. Indeed, while the United States is the single biggest consumer in the world's $50 billion bottled-water market, it is the only one of the top four--the others are Brazil, China, and Mexico--that has universally reliable tap water. Tap water in this country, with rare exceptions, is impressively safe."
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"[I]n Fiji, a state-of-the-art factory spins out more than a million bottles a day of the hippest bottled water on the U.S. market today, while more than half the people in Fiji do not have safe, reliable drinking water. Which means it is easier for the typical American in Beverly Hills or Baltimore to get a drink of safe, pure, refreshing Fiji water than it is for most people in Fiji."
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"You can buy a half- liter Evian for $1.35--17 ounces of water imported from France for pocket change. That water seems cheap, but only because we aren't paying attention."
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"In San Francisco, the municipal water comes from inside Yosemite National Park. It's so good the EPA doesn't require San Francisco to filter it. If you bought and drank a bottle of Evian, you could refill that bottle once a day for 10 years, 5 months, and 21 days with San Francisco tap water before that water would cost $1.35. Put another way, if the water we use at home cost what even cheap bottled water costs, our monthly water bills would run $9,000."
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"Today, for all the apparent variety on the shelf, bottled water is dominated in the United States and worldwide by four huge companies. Pepsi (NYSE:PEP) has the nation's number-one-selling bottled water, Aquafina, with 13% of the market. Coke's (NYSE:KO) Dasani is number two, with 11% of the market. Both are simply purified municipal water--so 24% of the bottled water we buy is tap water repackaged by Coke and Pepsi for our convenience. Evian is owned by Danone, the French food giant, and distributed in the United States by Coke."
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"Bottled water is not a sin. But it is a choice."

We'd suggest you buy a Nalgene bottle of some sort and start using that instead. It's a lot cheaper.

Of course, we're biased, considering Columbia has been ranked as having one of the top 3 best tasting municipal water in the country.
Then again, we don't even drink Columbia's municipal water - ours comes straight from the ground.

If we had a dollar for everytime we've made this same mistake

This story would be a lot more believable if the opera singer's name was Borat. We suppose it's understandable, though: "Mila kuda si planina" is so dang close to "Mila kura si planina."

New perspectives on the phrase "grow a pair"

"[H]owever, some doubt has been expressed on the willingness of men to undergo the procedure to extract the cells..."

"Testicle stem cell harvest plan: A man's testicles might be a source of stem cells to help him fight serious diseases, US scientists have shown." BBC News, September 19, 200

Quote of the Week

You can run, but you can't hide:

"Where a person, to avoid service of summons, shelters himself in his wife's petticoats, the laying of the papers on his shoulder will be a sufficient service." - Supreme Court, 1893

What would we do without Supreme Court Justices?

Ya think?!?

"The nudity of the dancer is an integral part of the emotions and thoughts that a nude dancing performance evokes. The sight of a fully clothed, or even a partially clothed, dancer generally will have a far different impact on a spectator than that of a nude dancer, even if the same dance is performed. The nudity itself is itself an expressive component of the dance, not merely incidental conduct."

- Barnes v. Glen Theatre, Inc. (White, J. dissenting) (arguing that nude dancing SHOULD fall within the protection of the First Amendment)