If dreams are like movies, then memories are films about ghosts. And if our college experience had a soundtrack for every scene in that multi-act production, then this would surely make the album:
If you think we're kidding, think again.
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Saturday, August 02, 2008
History 101
For those that don't know about history, here is a condensed version:
Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: 1. Liberals, and 2. Conservatives. Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement. Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant.
Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history. It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above history lesson. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that they will immediately inform other true believers and more liberals just to tick them off.
And there you have it.
Let your next action reveal your true self...
Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: 1. Liberals, and 2. Conservatives. Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement. Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant.
Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history. It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above history lesson. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that they will immediately inform other true believers and more liberals just to tick them off.
And there you have it.
Let your next action reveal your true self...
Monday, June 23, 2008
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Amen to that
Seen on the marquee near the interstate exit where our office is located:
Free Local Calls.
New Renovation.
God Bless America.
That's the beauty of our great nation - there are few countries in the world where the hotel you've chosen to stay in will have new renovations and can still offer you free local calls. Forget the HBO in France, baby - in these United States, you can call the pizza store down the street...for FREE!
If only the Rev. Wright had stayed at the EconoLodge in Irmo. Maybe then he'd be singing a different tune (or screaming a different nonsensical rant - we get the two confused).
God bless American, indeed.
Free Local Calls.
New Renovation.
God Bless America.
That's the beauty of our great nation - there are few countries in the world where the hotel you've chosen to stay in will have new renovations and can still offer you free local calls. Forget the HBO in France, baby - in these United States, you can call the pizza store down the street...for FREE!
If only the Rev. Wright had stayed at the EconoLodge in Irmo. Maybe then he'd be singing a different tune (or screaming a different nonsensical rant - we get the two confused).
God bless American, indeed.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
Rick Roll
As many of you already know, we're not the biggest fans of the New York Times. In fact, when it comes to good journalism, they rank fairly low on our list of sources to consult.
Which is why we like it whenever they make a mistake. It's juvenile, to be sure, but we can't help but laugh when they screw up.
With that in mind, you can imagine our glee at discovering the Times' latest goof. Evidently, the Times' ever cautious, ever careful, ever checking all the facts before reporting writers got punked by a couple of undergrads, when the NY Times reported on a current internet phenomenon called rickrolling. Turns out, it was the Times who got rickrolled.
You can watch an explanation of the phenomenon here.
Which is why we like it whenever they make a mistake. It's juvenile, to be sure, but we can't help but laugh when they screw up.
With that in mind, you can imagine our glee at discovering the Times' latest goof. Evidently, the Times' ever cautious, ever careful, ever checking all the facts before reporting writers got punked by a couple of undergrads, when the NY Times reported on a current internet phenomenon called rickrolling. Turns out, it was the Times who got rickrolled.
You can watch an explanation of the phenomenon here.
Sunday, April 06, 2008
The End of an Era
The man who is perhaps our favorite professor thus far in our legal education retired this past month. We were thankful to have studied under him twice, once for Business Corporations and then this semester for Business Crimes (White Collar Practice).
He has dedicated his life to two things: bringing down corrupt people and developing a lengthy list of hilarious one-liners used to pepper his class lectures.
This semester, we made it a point to write down as many of these sayings as we could. So now, as we study for our final examination next week, we give you those sayings that made it into our notes:
"You lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas."
On why conspiracies are a unique threat to public safety:
“We’ve got people out there blowing themselves up left and right. Do you think the decision to blow yourself up is for or against your own self-interest, self-preservation? Huh? Ok, in a multiple choice question, check the “against” box.”
On the Fourth Circuit Court of Appeals:
Ha. You'll get to Richmond and wish you were in Pakistan or somewhere like that.
On the Federal mail fraud statute:
“All we’ve got to prove now is whether there was a scheme to defraud. Think that’s hard? Guess what – You’ve got a lot of people with their pants down around their ankles, who you de-pants-ed, who are really hurting right now. It's not hard. Na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye.”
There are certain people out there who would rather trace laundered money than eat. They are hardwired, by God, to straighten stuff like this out. Find them.
Nobody ever takes a bribe. They just borrow money, or take loans…that are never paid back.
You want it? You got it. Toyota.
Comma, however, comma . . .
Do you know what the definition of a strip mall is? Grocery store and one end, drug store at the other end, and 11 Chinese restaurants in between.
You know the saying about trying to teach a pig to dance? It doesn’t work, and it annoys the pig.
Just before abruptly ending class 25 minutes early:
Any questions on this, I’ll be happy to take any questions? [whining] “Weee wannnaaa go, John.” Ok. Go.
Commenting on a case where the Criminal drove a Volvo:
Just goes to show you, bad people can buy Volvo’s. It’s not just soccer moms.
“Martha Stewart thought she could charm the dog off of the meat wagon.”
Chiarella was going to be hung up on the cross to pay for the sins of Wall Street.
After calling on a third year student who knew the answer to his question:
God bless you. Somebody read the case here. What’s this case about? Food. Is food important to sustain life? Yes, John. What do you do with food? You eat it, John. You put it in your body and it sustains you, John.
Anyone ever been at a place when the FBI raided it? Guess what -- it's a big deal. In other words, get the H out of here. This is not kids stuff…this is not “ohh, the FBI was here today, it was fun, we had a cup of coffee and a donut and then they went home.” Uh-uh. This is for real.
Freud gets to heaven, St. Peter welcomes him. Says, “We’re so glad to see you here, you’ve come at just the right time. God is having delusions of grandeur.” Freud answered, “Why is that, what do you mean?”
St. Peter replied, “God thinks he’s a federal district court judge.”
If you’re an expert, don’t look like a whore. “Yeah, I’ll testify on whatever they want me to for some money.”
He has dedicated his life to two things: bringing down corrupt people and developing a lengthy list of hilarious one-liners used to pepper his class lectures.
This semester, we made it a point to write down as many of these sayings as we could. So now, as we study for our final examination next week, we give you those sayings that made it into our notes:
"You lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas."
On why conspiracies are a unique threat to public safety:
“We’ve got people out there blowing themselves up left and right. Do you think the decision to blow yourself up is for or against your own self-interest, self-preservation? Huh? Ok, in a multiple choice question, check the “against” box.”
On the Fourth Circuit Court of Appeals:
Ha. You'll get to Richmond and wish you were in Pakistan or somewhere like that.
On the Federal mail fraud statute:
“All we’ve got to prove now is whether there was a scheme to defraud. Think that’s hard? Guess what – You’ve got a lot of people with their pants down around their ankles, who you de-pants-ed, who are really hurting right now. It's not hard. Na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye.”
There are certain people out there who would rather trace laundered money than eat. They are hardwired, by God, to straighten stuff like this out. Find them.
Nobody ever takes a bribe. They just borrow money, or take loans…that are never paid back.
You want it? You got it. Toyota.
Comma, however, comma . . .
Do you know what the definition of a strip mall is? Grocery store and one end, drug store at the other end, and 11 Chinese restaurants in between.
You know the saying about trying to teach a pig to dance? It doesn’t work, and it annoys the pig.
Just before abruptly ending class 25 minutes early:
Any questions on this, I’ll be happy to take any questions? [whining] “Weee wannnaaa go, John.” Ok. Go.
Commenting on a case where the Criminal drove a Volvo:
Just goes to show you, bad people can buy Volvo’s. It’s not just soccer moms.
“Martha Stewart thought she could charm the dog off of the meat wagon.”
Chiarella was going to be hung up on the cross to pay for the sins of Wall Street.
After calling on a third year student who knew the answer to his question:
God bless you. Somebody read the case here. What’s this case about? Food. Is food important to sustain life? Yes, John. What do you do with food? You eat it, John. You put it in your body and it sustains you, John.
Anyone ever been at a place when the FBI raided it? Guess what -- it's a big deal. In other words, get the H out of here. This is not kids stuff…this is not “ohh, the FBI was here today, it was fun, we had a cup of coffee and a donut and then they went home.” Uh-uh. This is for real.
Freud gets to heaven, St. Peter welcomes him. Says, “We’re so glad to see you here, you’ve come at just the right time. God is having delusions of grandeur.” Freud answered, “Why is that, what do you mean?”
St. Peter replied, “God thinks he’s a federal district court judge.”
If you’re an expert, don’t look like a whore. “Yeah, I’ll testify on whatever they want me to for some money.”
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Overheard: Our Third Installment
Huck is at it again tonight.
We sure wish we had picked up on this conversation earlier:
Huck: I mean she’s a tiny girl with D cups – that’s a gift from heaven above
Huck: She has a tiny little dog like nose.
Huck: I don’t know, the nose is weird. Her nose and her boobs distract me.
Huck: Okay, I love you too.
Yet again, if we could only have heard the other end of the conversation...
We sure wish we had picked up on this conversation earlier:
Huck: I mean she’s a tiny girl with D cups – that’s a gift from heaven above
Huck: She has a tiny little dog like nose.
Huck: I don’t know, the nose is weird. Her nose and her boobs distract me.
Huck: Okay, I love you too.
Yet again, if we could only have heard the other end of the conversation...
Thursday, March 06, 2008
You might be a redneck golfer if . . .
. . . you kill a bird by hitting it with a golf ball.
And you're a damned fool with too much time on your hands if you want to prosecute the golfer for doing it.
And you're a damned fool with too much time on your hands if you want to prosecute the golfer for doing it.
Friday, February 15, 2008
Overheard, again.
Our friendly carrel neighbor was at it again this week.
On one occasion, it sounded as though he was having a fight, not with someone on the other end of the telephone, but with his textbooks. Despite being two rows over and several carrels down from us, we could hear (what sounded like) him picking up several textbooks, dropping them loudly on one side of his desk, and then letting out a sigh that was longer and louder than most air leaks in a tire. He would then repeat the process, presumably moving the stack of books to the other side of his desk, followed by yet another sigh. Keep in mind that these desks are no bigger than 3.5 feet x 2.5 feet. This behavior carried on for several minutes.
We feel bad for his desk.
But what really got our attention was another cell phone conversation. We assume that it was his (faithful?) mother on the other end. We'd love to get your thoughts as to what was being said by his mother...
A new car, eh? Perhaps this is the reward for a Property Exam grade that turned out better than we could have expected.
On one occasion, it sounded as though he was having a fight, not with someone on the other end of the telephone, but with his textbooks. Despite being two rows over and several carrels down from us, we could hear (what sounded like) him picking up several textbooks, dropping them loudly on one side of his desk, and then letting out a sigh that was longer and louder than most air leaks in a tire. He would then repeat the process, presumably moving the stack of books to the other side of his desk, followed by yet another sigh. Keep in mind that these desks are no bigger than 3.5 feet x 2.5 feet. This behavior carried on for several minutes.
We feel bad for his desk.
But what really got our attention was another cell phone conversation. We assume that it was his (faithful?) mother on the other end. We'd love to get your thoughts as to what was being said by his mother...
[Elevator doors open and out comes our hero]
Huckleberry Hound Dog: No, it’s a PT Cruiser.
Huck: Same thing though, its designed by the same person.
Huck: Well I hope it’s nicer.
Huck: Is it supposed to be nicer?
Huck: 'Cause I’m saying, I can’t pay off loans 'til I get out of school.
Huck: Hello?
Huck: I didn’t ask you to buy me a new car!!
Huck: Ok, I love you.
[Elevator doors open again, and away goes Huck. Apparently the Fourth Floor of the library is just one big telephone booth for him -- enter to make a call, leave when you're done.]
A new car, eh? Perhaps this is the reward for a Property Exam grade that turned out better than we could have expected.
Monday, February 04, 2008
Superbowl Parable
We overheard this story on the radio last week:
Peyton Manning, Brett Favre, and Tom Brady went to see God, and God asked Peyton Manning, "What do you believe?"
Peyton said, "I believe in family, winning, and going after everything you can when you got the opportunity."
God said, "I like that belief, take a seat on my left side."
God turned to Brett Favre and asked, "What do you believe?" Favre said, "I believe in winning, going after everything, taking care of family."
"Man, I really like that belief, sit on my right side," God replied.
Finally, God asked Tom Brady, "What do you believe?"
Tom Brady replied, "I believe you're in my seat."
We're taking last night's game as an indication that God didn't exactly agree.
Peyton Manning, Brett Favre, and Tom Brady went to see God, and God asked Peyton Manning, "What do you believe?"
Peyton said, "I believe in family, winning, and going after everything you can when you got the opportunity."
God said, "I like that belief, take a seat on my left side."
God turned to Brett Favre and asked, "What do you believe?" Favre said, "I believe in winning, going after everything, taking care of family."
"Man, I really like that belief, sit on my right side," God replied.
Finally, God asked Tom Brady, "What do you believe?"
Tom Brady replied, "I believe you're in my seat."
We're taking last night's game as an indication that God didn't exactly agree.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Friday, January 25, 2008
Monday, January 14, 2008
Overheard
The law school has a limited number of "deluxe" study carrels available for student use. We use "deluxe" to distinguish these carrels, which are given only to winners of a school-wide lottery OR distinguished members of the SC Law Review, from the regular carrels available on a first come first serve basis. Also, the deluxe carrels have a door w/lock, window, filing cabinet, and built-in shelves.
What they do not have is soundproofing.
The carrels stand approximately 8 feet high, but the walls do not extend to the ceiling. There are about 20 of them side by side and several rows wide. Though most people are respectful of the fact that the carrels are located in a library, and house people who are intent on studying, there are a handful of people who fail to maintain the desired level of quiet.
Those people also seem to forget that everything they say can be heard by anyone within earshot, regardless of whether their door, or their neighbor's door, is closed.
There is one particular person who especially annoys us in this regard. It doesn't help that he is a rather large chap, or that his voice is unusually high and breathy for a man of his size. He speaks with a distinct Southern accent, sort of like Huckleberry Hounddog.
All semester, this particular gentleman would have telephone conversations in his carrel. Generally, he sounded exasperated, perturbed, and upset with the person on the other end. Without fail, however, he would end his conversation with a rather forced "I love you too."
We speculated that he was a newlywed, who's long hours in the library were taking a toll on his relationship with his new bride.
And then we heard this conversation during the final week of Final Exams last December. It was all we could do to keep from laughing out loud as we imagined what was being said on the other end of the phone while we typed out word-for-word what was being said. Like usual, our friend was speaking in his wit's end, frustrated voice:
Huckleberry Houndog: "Yeah, I just finished."
[Our imagination about the what the other conversationalist must have said to warrant that response]: Are you done with your exam?
Huck: "It was about property and stuff."
Imagination: She probably just asked, "What was the exam on?" [funny, you'd think his wife would be on top of this. Also, it doesn't bode well for your grade when your description is "property and stuff"]
Huck: "I don’t really have any clue."
Imagination: She must have asked "How do you think you did?"
Huck: "I can tell you this, every single one of my classmates is going out to have a beer right now."
Imagination: She said, "It was pretty difficult, huh?"
Huck: "Here’s a toned down version: imagine Andre the Giant giving a proctology exam."
Imagination: She must have asked "Well how hard was it?" But ew, please don't make us imagine that.
Huck: "I’m still pulling his foot out of my rectal cavity, it’s pretty far up there right now."
Imagination: If this guy's wife is as smart as he is, she probably had just asked "What's a proctology exam?"
Huck: "No Ma’am, I’m gonna go home and watch a Western, watch John Wayne kill a few people and call it a night."
Imagination: The wife probably just made sure that he wasn't going out drinking with his classmates. She must really have him on a chain...who says ma'am to their wife??
Huck: Let me tell you something, Mother. On the morning of December 12th I don’t want you calling the house early, because I’m gonna be asleep in my bed.
Imagination: MOTHER?!?! NO. WAY. It's his mom he's been talking to all of these weeks? WOW, this totally changes everything!! Quick, find someone to come listen to this...
Huck: "Mom, I’m hanging up the phone. I don’t want to listen to another one of your lectures."
Imagination: This is unbelievable.
What they do not have is soundproofing.
The carrels stand approximately 8 feet high, but the walls do not extend to the ceiling. There are about 20 of them side by side and several rows wide. Though most people are respectful of the fact that the carrels are located in a library, and house people who are intent on studying, there are a handful of people who fail to maintain the desired level of quiet.
Those people also seem to forget that everything they say can be heard by anyone within earshot, regardless of whether their door, or their neighbor's door, is closed.
There is one particular person who especially annoys us in this regard. It doesn't help that he is a rather large chap, or that his voice is unusually high and breathy for a man of his size. He speaks with a distinct Southern accent, sort of like Huckleberry Hounddog.
All semester, this particular gentleman would have telephone conversations in his carrel. Generally, he sounded exasperated, perturbed, and upset with the person on the other end. Without fail, however, he would end his conversation with a rather forced "I love you too."
We speculated that he was a newlywed, who's long hours in the library were taking a toll on his relationship with his new bride.
And then we heard this conversation during the final week of Final Exams last December. It was all we could do to keep from laughing out loud as we imagined what was being said on the other end of the phone while we typed out word-for-word what was being said. Like usual, our friend was speaking in his wit's end, frustrated voice:
Huckleberry Houndog: "Yeah, I just finished."
[Our imagination about the what the other conversationalist must have said to warrant that response]: Are you done with your exam?
Huck: "It was about property and stuff."
Imagination: She probably just asked, "What was the exam on?" [funny, you'd think his wife would be on top of this. Also, it doesn't bode well for your grade when your description is "property and stuff"]
Huck: "I don’t really have any clue."
Imagination: She must have asked "How do you think you did?"
Huck: "I can tell you this, every single one of my classmates is going out to have a beer right now."
Imagination: She said, "It was pretty difficult, huh?"
Huck: "Here’s a toned down version: imagine Andre the Giant giving a proctology exam."
Imagination: She must have asked "Well how hard was it?" But ew, please don't make us imagine that.
Huck: "I’m still pulling his foot out of my rectal cavity, it’s pretty far up there right now."
Imagination: If this guy's wife is as smart as he is, she probably had just asked "What's a proctology exam?"
Huck: "No Ma’am, I’m gonna go home and watch a Western, watch John Wayne kill a few people and call it a night."
Imagination: The wife probably just made sure that he wasn't going out drinking with his classmates. She must really have him on a chain...who says ma'am to their wife??
Huck: Let me tell you something, Mother. On the morning of December 12th I don’t want you calling the house early, because I’m gonna be asleep in my bed.
Imagination: MOTHER?!?! NO. WAY. It's his mom he's been talking to all of these weeks? WOW, this totally changes everything!! Quick, find someone to come listen to this...
Huck: "Mom, I’m hanging up the phone. I don’t want to listen to another one of your lectures."
Imagination: This is unbelievable.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Giving him the business
It's no secret, we Manville folks tend to watch a lot of football. A lot. And as anyone who follows football knows, or any sport for that matter, history is important.
Coaches know it - a good history of coaching can make up for a bad year, while an unsuccessful past creates a short fuse for fans and the higher-ups.
Players know it - any record they achieve warrants at least a passing nod at the previous record holder, and players often talk about the track record of this team or that game in anticipation of an upcoming match.
Announcers know it too - when they're not giving an oral description of what's taking place on the field of play (which we can all see anyway - that's why we turned the tv on in the first place), they're usually talking about this historical stat or that historical fact or trying to impress/entertain/bore us with their knowledge of past sports trivia.
But guess who you don't see making much mention of history? The referees and umpires. Of course, we don't really expect it - their job is to control the present game. The closest they come to discussing sports history is the replay booth.
Which is why this video clip is so brilliant. Listen to the referee's description of the penalty called on the field.
Now, that in and of itself is funny.
But we were curious, so a little Google search revealed that this was no spontaneous stand-up by the ACC official - it was in fact an allusion to the annals of football refereeing history, an inside joke that only a handful of sports scholars will get.
Here's what I found: In 1986, the New York Jets played the Buffalo Bills. During a play, the Jets' player (Marty Lyons) who tackled the Bills quarterback got a little violent, and began punching the quarterback (Jim Kelly) in the head. A fight ensued.
Now, evidently this created some sort of problem for the referee. What penalty to call? We assume that the classic "Personal Foul" or "Unsportsmanlike Conduct" penalty was not yet in existence, otherwise that would most surely been the call. But instead, the referee faced the press box and announced:
We don't expect that this will inspire many referees to start spicing up their announcing - after all, making light of the game will likely cause any disgruntled fan/coach/player to lob accusations of partiality.
But every now and then, a recognition of the great Zebras who have come before you is a fitting touch.
We salute you, Mr. Historically Savvy and Ballsy Football Referee Guy.
Coaches know it - a good history of coaching can make up for a bad year, while an unsuccessful past creates a short fuse for fans and the higher-ups.
Players know it - any record they achieve warrants at least a passing nod at the previous record holder, and players often talk about the track record of this team or that game in anticipation of an upcoming match.
Announcers know it too - when they're not giving an oral description of what's taking place on the field of play (which we can all see anyway - that's why we turned the tv on in the first place), they're usually talking about this historical stat or that historical fact or trying to impress/entertain/bore us with their knowledge of past sports trivia.
But guess who you don't see making much mention of history? The referees and umpires. Of course, we don't really expect it - their job is to control the present game. The closest they come to discussing sports history is the replay booth.
Which is why this video clip is so brilliant. Listen to the referee's description of the penalty called on the field.
Now, that in and of itself is funny.
But we were curious, so a little Google search revealed that this was no spontaneous stand-up by the ACC official - it was in fact an allusion to the annals of football refereeing history, an inside joke that only a handful of sports scholars will get.
Here's what I found: In 1986, the New York Jets played the Buffalo Bills. During a play, the Jets' player (Marty Lyons) who tackled the Bills quarterback got a little violent, and began punching the quarterback (Jim Kelly) in the head. A fight ensued.
Now, evidently this created some sort of problem for the referee. What penalty to call? We assume that the classic "Personal Foul" or "Unsportsmanlike Conduct" penalty was not yet in existence, otherwise that would most surely been the call. But instead, the referee faced the press box and announced:
"Number 99 of the defense, after tackling the quarterback, was giving him the business down there!"See for yourself:
We don't expect that this will inspire many referees to start spicing up their announcing - after all, making light of the game will likely cause any disgruntled fan/coach/player to lob accusations of partiality.
But every now and then, a recognition of the great Zebras who have come before you is a fitting touch.
We salute you, Mr. Historically Savvy and Ballsy Football Referee Guy.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
If we had a dollar for everytime we've made this same mistake
This story would be a lot more believable if the opera singer's name was Borat. We suppose it's understandable, though: "Mila kuda si planina" is so dang close to "Mila kura si planina."
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Life Imitates The Onion
"8-Year-Old Accidentally Exercises Second Amendment Rights"--headline, Onion, May 26, 1999
"No Charges Filed Against 8-Year-Old Who Had a Handgun on School Bus"--headline, Associated Press, Oct. 12, 2007
- From today's WSJ Opinion Journal
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Sleuth plays football in the Ritz Carlton: Postlude
There remains only the summing up.
Throughout the remainder of the evening, the Fab Four were summoned on several occasions to return to the Ritz for questioning, etc.
Each time, they were escorted by Jessie H.
Each time, they walked through the front entrance of the Ritz.
And each time, the Foursome were met by multiple Ritz staff and personnel, who opened the doors and stood at attention as they whooped and hollered and applauded and shook the hands of the unlikely heroes.
[PICTURE: Eagle-Eye Jonathan identifies the captured crook]
Jessie H. was a likeable character, and the Fab Four soon felt comfortable enough to converse with Jessie about the events of the evening. It didn't take long to discover that the whole thing had been recorded on the hotel's video surveillance camera. The boys pleaded with Jessie to see it, but he firmly resisted (and probably with good legal reason). Daniel was perhaps the most visibly frustrated, and Jessie finally offered this consolation: "I've been a security guard and personal body guard for celebrities for a long time, and I've seen a lot of surveillance tapes - but I've never seen anything like this. You guys were AWESOME!"
Say no more, Jessie, say no more.
The next morning, the Manager/Operator of the Phoenix Ritz honored the Four before the entire Blackstone group, and he presented them with multiple Ritz gifts, including clothing and gift certificates for a free night stay at any Ritz in the world.
Later that morning, the Boys were summoned to the hotel lobby, where they learned that the $140,000 worth of jewelry had been on loan from a local jeweler, and did not actually belong to the Ritz. As a token of gratitude, the local jeweler brought the Four to his store, where he presented them each with a new $550 watch, along with several hundred dollars worth of men's cologne and women's perfume.
After the final Blackstone banquet on Thursday night, the Four, along with dozens of other interns, had lingered in the conference hall taking pictures and enjoying the last few hours in the Ritz. Slowly, the numbers had dwindled as more and more folks left to return to their rooms or to head to Nixon's. Sleuth, Jonathan and Chris remained, talking with the few lawyers and other distinguished guests who were still in the conference hall. As they turned to leave, they stopped to shake hands with the head of Blackstone's parent organization and the banquet's key note speaker, Alan. After they thanked him for his speech and for helping make Blackstone possible, Alan turned to them both and offered one last parting charge to the three young men:
"Now, go change the world."
Charged with those words of exhortation, and a mere twenty minutes later, those three men (and their valuable fourth partner) seized the day and the opportunity to live up to Alan's challenge. And while they were at it, they seized a couple of would be criminals too.
[Video footage of the Fab Four retelling the entire event is forthcoming]
Throughout the remainder of the evening, the Fab Four were summoned on several occasions to return to the Ritz for questioning, etc.
Each time, they were escorted by Jessie H.
Each time, they walked through the front entrance of the Ritz.
And each time, the Foursome were met by multiple Ritz staff and personnel, who opened the doors and stood at attention as they whooped and hollered and applauded and shook the hands of the unlikely heroes.
[PICTURE: Eagle-Eye Jonathan identifies the captured crook]Jessie H. was a likeable character, and the Fab Four soon felt comfortable enough to converse with Jessie about the events of the evening. It didn't take long to discover that the whole thing had been recorded on the hotel's video surveillance camera. The boys pleaded with Jessie to see it, but he firmly resisted (and probably with good legal reason). Daniel was perhaps the most visibly frustrated, and Jessie finally offered this consolation: "I've been a security guard and personal body guard for celebrities for a long time, and I've seen a lot of surveillance tapes - but I've never seen anything like this. You guys were AWESOME!"
Say no more, Jessie, say no more.
The next morning, the Manager/Operator of the Phoenix Ritz honored the Four before the entire Blackstone group, and he presented them with multiple Ritz gifts, including clothing and gift certificates for a free night stay at any Ritz in the world.
Later that morning, the Boys were summoned to the hotel lobby, where they learned that the $140,000 worth of jewelry had been on loan from a local jeweler, and did not actually belong to the Ritz. As a token of gratitude, the local jeweler brought the Four to his store, where he presented them each with a new $550 watch, along with several hundred dollars worth of men's cologne and women's perfume.
After the final Blackstone banquet on Thursday night, the Four, along with dozens of other interns, had lingered in the conference hall taking pictures and enjoying the last few hours in the Ritz. Slowly, the numbers had dwindled as more and more folks left to return to their rooms or to head to Nixon's. Sleuth, Jonathan and Chris remained, talking with the few lawyers and other distinguished guests who were still in the conference hall. As they turned to leave, they stopped to shake hands with the head of Blackstone's parent organization and the banquet's key note speaker, Alan. After they thanked him for his speech and for helping make Blackstone possible, Alan turned to them both and offered one last parting charge to the three young men:
"Now, go change the world."
Charged with those words of exhortation, and a mere twenty minutes later, those three men (and their valuable fourth partner) seized the day and the opportunity to live up to Alan's challenge. And while they were at it, they seized a couple of would be criminals too.
[Video footage of the Fab Four retelling the entire event is forthcoming]
[Picture: three of the four with Alan]
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Sleuth plays football in the Ritz Carlton, Part 3
The boys were thankful to see the security guards arrive. Actually, Chris and Sleuth were thankful. Jonathan and Daniel got the crap scared out of them.
Since it was nearly 11pm, the doors were locked so that only exiting through the side entrance was permitted. For some reason, still undetermined, the security guards took the longest possible route and ran around the outside of the building, so that their arrival to the scene of the action required reentry into the building. Through the locked doors.
Now, while the struggle between good and evil was taking place on the Ritz floor, Daniel and Jonathan had alertly moved to guard the exit doors, both standing with their backs to the exit to stop any further attempts at escape should (Allah forbid) the crook wriggle free. As they stood there in shock and awe, watching their two friends struggle for their lives and helpless to offer any true assistance, their minds were equally on edge with the thought of the escaped felon who was on the loose outside the hotel. For all they knew, he could be lurking in the shadows just outside the exit, waiting for his friend to escape, or even worse, devising a plan to come back and rescue his waylaid companion.
It was at that very moment that the security guards encountered the locked doors.
Jonathan and Daniel nearly wet their pants.
Knowing the doors were locked, the guards had made no attempt for peaceable entry, but booked a beeline for the doors and immediately began pounding with all their might, demanding that they be let in. For Jonathan and Daniel, this was none other than the sound of the escaped crook, angered by what had happened and returning with a posse of bandits, armed with assault weapons and burlap sacks.
The justified fright was soon overcome, and Jesse H., the head security officer, busted through the exit, grabbed the crook from Sleuth and Chris, and body slammed him against the wall. The thief was escorted away to an interrogation room in the back of the hotel.
Our heroes crowded around the suitcase to examine the objects of the crooks attempted robbery. The scene was photographed, and the Fab Four helped the Ritz staff clean up the spilled jewels. They did not look like much, but they would soon learn that the jewelry was valued at a total of nearly $15o,000. After answering some questions and filling out their contact info, the Fab Four were anxious to be on their way. The events of the last 20 minutes were still surreal, and the four men were more concerned about missing out on the hanging out at Nixon's than they were with what had just taken place. As they prepared to leave the Ritz for Nixon's, they came across a group of lovely young ladies who were likewise about to head back to the bar. Concerned for their safety, given the fact that a criminal was still on the loose, the Fab Four offered their protection (and their arms) as they escorted the women to Nixon's.
It's been said that there are only two things that are guaranteed in life: death and taxes. I would add, while perhaps not a guarantee, you can bet on two more things: news travels fast, and when it reaches its destination, it's generally only about half true. For example, note the following account of what happened next in this story:
As the four opened the door to Nixons, with the ladies by their side, the entire bar, packed shoulder to shoulder with interns, staff, and local yokels, erupted in applause - a standing ovation. Never before in all of Blackstone had such hootin' and hollerin' been heard. Like the Red Sea, a pathway parted through the crowd from the doorway to the bar. Like a presidential candidate on a campaign stop, the four made their way through the crowd, shaking hands and posing for pictures as they went. The bar was abuzz with the news of their heroics, and the rest of teh night was spent retelling the story of the biggest foiled robbery in Blackstone history. With the Ritz paying their tab, the Fab Four spent the rest of the night enjoying the fruit of their labors...
to be continued...
Since it was nearly 11pm, the doors were locked so that only exiting through the side entrance was permitted. For some reason, still undetermined, the security guards took the longest possible route and ran around the outside of the building, so that their arrival to the scene of the action required reentry into the building. Through the locked doors.
Now, while the struggle between good and evil was taking place on the Ritz floor, Daniel and Jonathan had alertly moved to guard the exit doors, both standing with their backs to the exit to stop any further attempts at escape should (Allah forbid) the crook wriggle free. As they stood there in shock and awe, watching their two friends struggle for their lives and helpless to offer any true assistance, their minds were equally on edge with the thought of the escaped felon who was on the loose outside the hotel. For all they knew, he could be lurking in the shadows just outside the exit, waiting for his friend to escape, or even worse, devising a plan to come back and rescue his waylaid companion.
It was at that very moment that the security guards encountered the locked doors.
Jonathan and Daniel nearly wet their pants.
Knowing the doors were locked, the guards had made no attempt for peaceable entry, but booked a beeline for the doors and immediately began pounding with all their might, demanding that they be let in. For Jonathan and Daniel, this was none other than the sound of the escaped crook, angered by what had happened and returning with a posse of bandits, armed with assault weapons and burlap sacks.
The justified fright was soon overcome, and Jesse H., the head security officer, busted through the exit, grabbed the crook from Sleuth and Chris, and body slammed him against the wall. The thief was escorted away to an interrogation room in the back of the hotel.
Our heroes crowded around the suitcase to examine the objects of the crooks attempted robbery. The scene was photographed, and the Fab Four helped the Ritz staff clean up the spilled jewels. They did not look like much, but they would soon learn that the jewelry was valued at a total of nearly $15o,000. After answering some questions and filling out their contact info, the Fab Four were anxious to be on their way. The events of the last 20 minutes were still surreal, and the four men were more concerned about missing out on the hanging out at Nixon's than they were with what had just taken place. As they prepared to leave the Ritz for Nixon's, they came across a group of lovely young ladies who were likewise about to head back to the bar. Concerned for their safety, given the fact that a criminal was still on the loose, the Fab Four offered their protection (and their arms) as they escorted the women to Nixon's.
It's been said that there are only two things that are guaranteed in life: death and taxes. I would add, while perhaps not a guarantee, you can bet on two more things: news travels fast, and when it reaches its destination, it's generally only about half true. For example, note the following account of what happened next in this story:
Meanwhile, word of the foursome’s heroics rippled in to the front of Nixon’s, the official bar of Blackstone. I had the privilege of being the first in the bar to hear about the melee due to my proximity to the door. The news came in: “[Sleuth], Jonathan, Chris, and Daniel tackled a couple of guys that were stealing from the Ritz! But one of them got away.”The majority of that account is true.
The news quickly spread from the front door of Nixon’s to the nearby tables: "[Sleuth], Jonathon, Chris, and Daniel beat up a couple of criminals in their attempted heist of the Ritz! I think one of them had a knife.”
At the bar, the above words combined with a few Hoegaardens to create the following: “Dude! Our four heroes beat up two armed robbers. Lit caught on to their plot and immediately called Chris, [Sleuth], and Daniel for backup. [Sleuth] gave one of them a roundhouse so hard that it slammed him into the wall! Chris immediately stepped in like Rocky on a Russian in the 3rd round. And Daniel and the other crook wrestled out of a fourth story window, landing in the pool. The impact stunned Daniel just enough so that the robber could get away for a second and grab the skid of a helicopter. As he held on with one arm, he fired his machine gun back at Daniel in the pool with his other arm. One of the bullets brazed Daniel’s arm—it kind of looks like rug-burn.”
Needless to say, when the four arrived at Nixon’s, some clapped while others applauded. A few cheered with vigorous merriment, all vowing to name their firstborns after the heroes.
As the four opened the door to Nixons, with the ladies by their side, the entire bar, packed shoulder to shoulder with interns, staff, and local yokels, erupted in applause - a standing ovation. Never before in all of Blackstone had such hootin' and hollerin' been heard. Like the Red Sea, a pathway parted through the crowd from the doorway to the bar. Like a presidential candidate on a campaign stop, the four made their way through the crowd, shaking hands and posing for pictures as they went. The bar was abuzz with the news of their heroics, and the rest of teh night was spent retelling the story of the biggest foiled robbery in Blackstone history. With the Ritz paying their tab, the Fab Four spent the rest of the night enjoying the fruit of their labors...
to be continued...
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Sleuth plays football in the Ritz Carlton, Part 2
We're pretty sure that most guys, at some point in their life, have dreamed of tackling a would be criminal. That's why we love action movies, comic books, and superheros. If only WE had a chance to go head to head with the bad guys, then maybe we'd be as sweet and totally awesome as the dudes on TV. And maybe the hot girls would like us now.
Although they didn't know it at the time, that was exactly the situation the Fab Four were in when we last left them.
Imagine the familiar scene of the main street in a small western town...an empty dirt road with trading posts and saloons on either side. A few tumbleweed bouncing across the dusty street as two groups of cowboys square off, each staring resolutely at the other, daring them to make the first move. Good guys v. bad guys, everyone holding their breath in anticipation of what will happen. Time stands still...
This was nothing like that.
Jonathan was gathering his wits after being nearly run over by the fleeing jewel thieves, while Sleuth, Daniel and Chris were stuck somewhere between "speechless" and "braced for impact." The two crooks were flying full speed down the hallway toward the Fab Four - a collision was inevitable. That's when the Blackstone instinct kicked in, and the sharp minds of well-trained law students took over (though cleverly disguised by their chiseled abs and incredibly good looks). The three interns put their hands together, yelled "Triangulate!", and before you could say "Jack Robinson," the Sleuth, Daniel and Chris formed a flying V (which looks very much like a triangle) and jumped into action.
Dumb Crook #1 zigged and zagged to the right, heading straight for Sleuth. Now, when most guys dream of apprehending a criminal or warding off the bad guys, they probably imagine an amazing fist fight, or a flying tackle from a second story window. Evidently, the Sleuth had never thought about these things before, or if he had, the thought of a full fledge linebacker tackle did not cross his mind in the seconds leading up to his formal introduction to Dumb Crook #1. So when the the crook came barreling down on him at full speed, he did what immediately came to mind, and stepped aside to avoid the hit.
And then he tripped him.
Not just any trip, mind you, but a bonafide I-will-make-you-wish-you'd-never-walked-by-me trip. In fact, just to make sure the nature of his tripping was clear, Sleuth put a little umph behind his tripping leg. Instant replay later showed that he actually scissor-kicked the robber in the kneecaps.
[Below: Chris and Daniel show off their battle wounds]
Up went Dumb Crook #1's legs, down went Dumb Crook #1's head. His face planted right in the carpet. Sleuth whirled around, only to witness Chris "That's why my friends call me Whiskers" pounce on top of the crook like a cat on a mouse. Though the details are a bit hazy, the Fab Four later discussed and confirmed that at this point a voice from heaven boomed out: "Dogpile!" Sleuth needed no second invitation. He dove on top of Chris, and the three wrestled around on the ground for over a minute. Sleuth managed to get his right arm around Dumb Crook #1's head, and kept him in a headlock while he kicked and punched and kept yelling "It wasn't me...I didn't do it." The getaway car keys and black suitcase laying on the floor, now open with jewels strewn across the floor, suggested that Dumb Crook #1 was not being completely honest.
With Sleuth and Chris occupied, this left Daniel in a one-on-one with Dumb Crook #2. Unknown to many, Daniel was a star wide receiver in high school, and despite being removed from the game for over 4 years, his football skills were still sharp. So, like any good wide receiver does after his team has turned over the ball and he's suddenly faced with playing defense, Daniel did exactly what he was trained to do:
He dropped down in the fetal position and attempted to chop block the fleeing robber.
Daniel's coach would have been proud. The
robber flew threw the air and landed with a thud on the carpet behind him. To the robber's delight, the exit doors (and freedom) were only a few feet away from where he skidded to a halt. To his dismay, a 6'2" University of Richmond Law School 2L was holding on to his ankles. The two engaged in an epic hand to feet combat. Daniel was dragged across the carpet and was wounded in the battle. The crook eventually managed to wriggle free and escaped out of the side doors.
[Above: Daniel's rug burn]
Meanwhile, Sleuth and Chris had finally subdued Dumb Crook #1, and although he continued to struggle slightly, Sleuth firmly held him in a headlock while Chris helped pin him to the ground. Jonathan and Daniel stood by the doors to prevent any further escape attempts, and an excited bellhop was yelling frantically into his walkie talkie for security guard assistance.
At this point, Sleuth made what some would deem a brash decision, motivated in part by the fact that he was beginning to feel a little awkward as he lay crotch-to-butt on top of a complete stranger in the middle of the Ritz floor. With words of motivation from Jack Bauer and Chuck Norris ringing in his ears, he and Chris picked the criminal up off the ground, and with all their strength slammed him up against the wall. The crook began to fight again, so Sleuth responded by choking his neck and sternly reprimanding him: "If you keep fighting I'm gonna keep choking you harder!!" As they pinned him to the wall, he began to grasp violently for his back left pocket, and realizing that he was likely trying to get a knife or other weapon, Chris yelled out to Sleuth and struggled to keep the Dumb Crook from reaching his pocket.
Security arrived just in the knick of time...
(to be continued)
Although they didn't know it at the time, that was exactly the situation the Fab Four were in when we last left them.
Imagine the familiar scene of the main street in a small western town...an empty dirt road with trading posts and saloons on either side. A few tumbleweed bouncing across the dusty street as two groups of cowboys square off, each staring resolutely at the other, daring them to make the first move. Good guys v. bad guys, everyone holding their breath in anticipation of what will happen. Time stands still...
This was nothing like that.
Jonathan was gathering his wits after being nearly run over by the fleeing jewel thieves, while Sleuth, Daniel and Chris were stuck somewhere between "speechless" and "braced for impact." The two crooks were flying full speed down the hallway toward the Fab Four - a collision was inevitable. That's when the Blackstone instinct kicked in, and the sharp minds of well-trained law students took over (though cleverly disguised by their chiseled abs and incredibly good looks). The three interns put their hands together, yelled "Triangulate!", and before you could say "Jack Robinson," the Sleuth, Daniel and Chris formed a flying V (which looks very much like a triangle) and jumped into action.
Dumb Crook #1 zigged and zagged to the right, heading straight for Sleuth. Now, when most guys dream of apprehending a criminal or warding off the bad guys, they probably imagine an amazing fist fight, or a flying tackle from a second story window. Evidently, the Sleuth had never thought about these things before, or if he had, the thought of a full fledge linebacker tackle did not cross his mind in the seconds leading up to his formal introduction to Dumb Crook #1. So when the the crook came barreling down on him at full speed, he did what immediately came to mind, and stepped aside to avoid the hit.
And then he tripped him.
Not just any trip, mind you, but a bonafide I-will-make-you-wish-you'd-never-walked-by-me trip. In fact, just to make sure the nature of his tripping was clear, Sleuth put a little umph behind his tripping leg. Instant replay later showed that he actually scissor-kicked the robber in the kneecaps.
[Below: Chris and Daniel show off their battle wounds]
Up went Dumb Crook #1's legs, down went Dumb Crook #1's head. His face planted right in the carpet. Sleuth whirled around, only to witness Chris "That's why my friends call me Whiskers" pounce on top of the crook like a cat on a mouse. Though the details are a bit hazy, the Fab Four later discussed and confirmed that at this point a voice from heaven boomed out: "Dogpile!" Sleuth needed no second invitation. He dove on top of Chris, and the three wrestled around on the ground for over a minute. Sleuth managed to get his right arm around Dumb Crook #1's head, and kept him in a headlock while he kicked and punched and kept yelling "It wasn't me...I didn't do it." The getaway car keys and black suitcase laying on the floor, now open with jewels strewn across the floor, suggested that Dumb Crook #1 was not being completely honest.
With Sleuth and Chris occupied, this left Daniel in a one-on-one with Dumb Crook #2. Unknown to many, Daniel was a star wide receiver in high school, and despite being removed from the game for over 4 years, his football skills were still sharp. So, like any good wide receiver does after his team has turned over the ball and he's suddenly faced with playing defense, Daniel did exactly what he was trained to do:
He dropped down in the fetal position and attempted to chop block the fleeing robber.
Daniel's coach would have been proud. The
robber flew threw the air and landed with a thud on the carpet behind him. To the robber's delight, the exit doors (and freedom) were only a few feet away from where he skidded to a halt. To his dismay, a 6'2" University of Richmond Law School 2L was holding on to his ankles. The two engaged in an epic hand to feet combat. Daniel was dragged across the carpet and was wounded in the battle. The crook eventually managed to wriggle free and escaped out of the side doors.[Above: Daniel's rug burn]
Meanwhile, Sleuth and Chris had finally subdued Dumb Crook #1, and although he continued to struggle slightly, Sleuth firmly held him in a headlock while Chris helped pin him to the ground. Jonathan and Daniel stood by the doors to prevent any further escape attempts, and an excited bellhop was yelling frantically into his walkie talkie for security guard assistance.
At this point, Sleuth made what some would deem a brash decision, motivated in part by the fact that he was beginning to feel a little awkward as he lay crotch-to-butt on top of a complete stranger in the middle of the Ritz floor. With words of motivation from Jack Bauer and Chuck Norris ringing in his ears, he and Chris picked the criminal up off the ground, and with all their strength slammed him up against the wall. The crook began to fight again, so Sleuth responded by choking his neck and sternly reprimanding him: "If you keep fighting I'm gonna keep choking you harder!!" As they pinned him to the wall, he began to grasp violently for his back left pocket, and realizing that he was likely trying to get a knife or other weapon, Chris yelled out to Sleuth and struggled to keep the Dumb Crook from reaching his pocket.
Security arrived just in the knick of time...
(to be continued)
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