Men of Manville,
This blog has been dormant for far too long. I realize we are trying to make the transition to the more formal Monthly Journal via snail mail, but for the sake of all that is cyber space, I will post this letter, which most of you should be receiving shortly.
March 8, 2005
Friends, countrymen, chosen from among the not chosen,
The smell of a freshly cut pitch.
The touch of the ball on your feet.
The rush of adrenaline as you warm up in anticipation of the next 90 minutes of your life.
The sound of a roaring, raucous crowd of multiple soccer moms.
The Soccer.
6 games in two days.
The showdown of the century – the rematch with team Mexico.
The chance to represent your country and pseudo-country in an international competition second only to the World Cup.
Beer with lemonade after the game – like they do it in England.
The Tournament.
A weekend getaway with 11 of your closest friends.
A roadtrip that’ll bring you back to those carefree days of college.
Memories that will last a lifetime.
The time Matthew Gillikin crashed his car, Korbin Parker was demolished by a 200 pound Jamaican, and Peter Brinkerhoff was interrogated as a possible terrorist suspect.
When “el Gordo,” the goalie for Team Mexico, actually ATE the soccer ball.
Short-Shorts, Headbands, Noise Makers/Shakers and Mesh Hat Mania.
The Fellowship.
As I’m sure you are well aware, what I’ve described above are some of the sweetest sensations and experiences known to all of mankind in, well, pretty much ever. And, if you’re like me, any opportunity to live any one of those experiences would be phenomenal – to experience them all in one weekend would be the chance of a lifetime.
The fact that you hold this letter in your hands is proof that we here at the St. Elmo Short-Short Society for the Advancement of Man-thigh (the “Thighs”) believe that YOU share with US our passion for these three staples of human existence – Soccer, Tournaments, and Fellowship, and we want to give you that once in a lifetime chance. That is why we have specifically chosen to extend to you an invitation to be a member of this year’s Team South-USA-Scotland (“SUS”) that will compete in the annual Columbia International Soccer Tournament (the “Tournament”).
For the sake of brevity, I will postpone any discussion of the fabled tradition and history of the Tournament, as well as Team SUS’s two previous successful trips to the Tournament. Let me get straight to the heart of the matter.
Enclosed for your signature and return to the Thighs is a Letter of Intent, signifying that you are interested in being a part of the excitement, passion, and excellent winning tradition of Team SUS. We are looking to solidify our team roster within the next two weeks, with an anticipated “official Signing Day” of March 19, 2005.
Other important information:
Dates: Friday, April 29 – Sunday, May 1, 2005
Location: Columbia, South Carolina
Times: Our first game is usually Friday night, so we would be leaving in a carpool caravan early Friday afternoon.
Cost: The entry fee is yet to be determined, although in prior years it has worked out to about $10-15 per person. We also intend to get jerseys, we would split the cost of gas, and if the Luther family houses and feeds us as has been the case in prior years, we would hope to pitch in a little for the cost of feeding our group. All in all, we anticipate the costs to be between $25-$40 for the weekend.
Who: Just the name SUS should get your heart pumping. In case it doesn’t, rest assured that the core of the team includes the Thigh’s Board of Directors and selection committee, the names of whom are listed at the end of this letter.
Deadlines: Because this is an 8-a-side tourney, space is limited to about 10-12 players, so your prompt response is critical. Due to the logistical details, signing day will be March 19, 2005. You may send your Letter of Intent any time before then.
Other details: The Tournament is hosted in conjunction with the annual Columbia International Festival. Recognized among the Top 20 Events in the 10-state Southeastern Region by the Southeastern Tourism Society, the Columbia International Festival showcases the music, culture, food, and performing arts of the various cultures, nationalities, races, and language groups represented in South Carolina. The event brings all of the area's international communities together to build better community/race relations between various ethnic/cultural/language groups and with the South Carolina community at large. Estimated attendance for 2004 was over 20,000. The Tournament brings together the area international communities as a playground to showcase the sport of choice for the entire global community (i.e. soccer) as well as an opportunity for us to prove that despite the diversity of cultures, nationalities, races and language groups represented in the Festival and the Tournament, the SUS culture is still superior. Also, that we have mad soccer skills. And sweet bowstaff skills.
But I digress. What matters is that we want you for our team. Please contact the Selection Committee at the address or phone number on the above letterhead, any of the contact information listed below, or you can email us. An email response with your filled out NLI is sufficient.
We look forward to hearing from you and the opportunity to call you teammate.
Long live excitement,
Sleuth I
Chairman, Soccer Selection Committee
Board of Directors, The Thighs
Macey, Founder of the Thighs
Sleuth, Chairmen
Noel, V. Chairmen/Secretary
Straw, Treasurer
Page, Resident Nurse
Borger, Audio/Visual
Elissa, Pres. Of Soccer Moms
Not to mention the missed penalty kick. Let's be honest though, that was a good dose of retributive justice for Johnson's blatant dive in the box.
