Saturday, July 21, 2007

MLS All-Stars 2, Celtic 0

Thursday night was the 2007 MLS All-Star Game at Dick's Sporting Goods Park here in Denver. The game was good. The complex was even more impressive. This was our first time in a built for soccer stadium in the States - it was pretty nice. But what was better was the 24 fully lit fields surrounding the stadium. All perfectly manicured fields of thick grass (and 2 synthetic turf fields). This is a soccer Mecca.














The game was fairly good too. We thought the MLS boys played pretty well as a team, considering their practices had come at a bare minimum. They were creative, spread the field well, moved the ball, and had numerous scoring chances.

Not to mention the missed penalty kick. Let's be honest though, that was a good dose of retributive justice for Johnson's blatant dive in the box.



In our opinion, there was not enough of this...


....and too much of this. We're glad he's here, and it was cool to see him. We have pictures, but we refuse to post them - his face is on the web enough as it is. But he's not the savior of the MLS, and its gonna be the De Rosario's, Toja's and Angels that make this league great. And some success in games between actual teams, not a stacked group of all stars versus off season clubs.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Imperialism - yeah, it's back.

To the citizens of the United States of America:

In the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, former MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Of course, we don't really need Tony Blair anymore, so maybe he'd be a good match for your country. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up revocation in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up aluminium. Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix ize will be replaced by the suffix ise. You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation.

Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up vocabulary. Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up interspersed. There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often.

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize.

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney,upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents - Scottish dramas such as Taggart will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is Devon. If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become shires e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters. British sit-coms such as Men Behaving Badly or Red Dwarf will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American football. There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American football is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays American football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2008. You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders,your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called rounders, which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called Indecisive Day.

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time,you will go metric with immediate effect and conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat. Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.

12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer,and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. The substances formerly known as American Beer will henceforth be referred to as Near-Frozen Knat's Urine,with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as Weak Near-Frozen Knat's Urine. This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen,Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

13. From November 10th the UK will harmonise petrol (or Gasoline, as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon- get used to it).

14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

16. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

Thank you for your co-operation and have a great day.

Top Ten Posts - A Blogging Faux Pas

We're pretty sure that linking to our own old blog posts is probably a major faux pas in the weblog world, but we had a recent new reader tell us that he/she thought some of our entries were rather humorous and could we direct to him/her to some older funny posts. Add that to the fact that we've noticed a slew of new readers in the past few weeks (Georgie, you may be our favorite), and we think a top 10 list of our favorite/your favorite blog entries would be appropriate for the people who have just recently pulled up a chair at the Table.

In no particular order (and it may be more than 10 when we finish):

Supercuts

Tales From Meyer's Pride: The Ground Fault Circuit Interrupter

Tales from Meyer's Pride: Wrong House, Wrong Driveway

Topographic Variety

I'd like to buy a vowel (or a moment of silence) - this is especially good because of the two "anonymous" comments

MPC Employee of the Week: Jesus

Winston: The Heaviest Sleeper I have Ever Seen

MPC Roofing Tricks of the Trade (i.e. me playing with big toys)

If you could ask the Chief Justice one question, what would it be?

Law School Life Imitates the Office (BBC)

Yankees: Worse than Fire Ants

Boston, Here We Come (With the Follow Up)

Sleuth is a Wall Street Journal Contributor

Saturday, July 07, 2007

Jefferson and Madison

Good news friend Georgie, it appears that you can have your cake and eat it too! Fortunately, you can maintain your deep respect for Rehnquist and Scalia (which, we might add, we share as well) while simultaneously siding with Jefferson and Madison (two of our personal heroes), because at least on this issue, they all agree. Well, sort of.

Your Wikipedia article suggests that Rehnquist was the first to posit the notion that the “establishment clause was intended to protect local establishments of religion from federal interference.” Actually, he stole that idea from Jefferson.

We figured that if this discussion went far enough along, the Danbury Baptist exchange would likely raise its head – this is really getting to the heart of the disagreement over usage of the “wall of separation.” Even though we wrote a short research paper on this in college, we had to go back and reread the letters again last night. The full text is here, if you want to check it out: http://www.gainesvillehumanists.org/baptist.htm

To put it briefly, the Danbury’s were concerned that their state’s constitution, in granting religious privileges, made those privileges a creation of the state, rather than an inalienable right recognized by government (such as those inalienable rights of life, liberty, pursuit of happiness). Connecticut’s state church was the Congregationalists, and Baptists were frankly afraid that at some point, if the Congregationalists had enough power, they would force the Baptists to conform their religious beliefs, i.e., the state would encroach on the Baptist’s free exercise.

Note that in Jefferson’s reply, he sort of sidesteps some of the issues. He never really discusses the Connecticut constitution, and he never really acknowledges the Danbury’s request that he assist them in their state battle with the Congregationalists. Instead he refers strictly to the Federal Constitution, and reminds the Baptists that as far as American goes, the legislature has declared that Congress will make no national law respecting the establishment of religion, or prohibiting its free exercise.

To us, this is more a discussion over the once common idea that each state could regulate religion as it saw fit, rather than any national debate over the role of religion in government. Frankly, we find it odd that any single group in modern America would build its entire First Amendment jurisprudence and political/legal doctrine on a few words in a private letter between Jefferson and a bunch of Baptists (after all, it's the Presbyterians who've got it going on, right?) What's more, while Jefferson was no doubt an influential founder, he wasn’t even in the country when the Constitution was drafted. Funny that he is the Con Law expert.

As your Wikipedia article mentions, the phrase has been used in multiple modern Supreme Court opinions, but it was never even mentioned once for nearly the first 100 years of our judicial system (once in 1878), and then not again until Everson (1947). Since then, the courts generally cite Everson as the precedent for this notion of church state separation. And as an aside, you will not once find the notion of separation of church and state in any of the congressional debates that took place when the Bill of Rights were adopted.

Interestingly enough, while Jefferson was a huge proponent of the Bill of Rights, and was initially perturbed that the Constitution did not include one, Madison was in fact opposed to such a Bill of Rights. Madison, like the Danbury Baptists, feared that a Bill of Rights might one day be misconstrued to allow the state to remove religious freedom, since (under the bill of rights) the State had “created” that freedom.

When Madison finally caved to the pressures of the states (many of which were refusing to ratify the Constitution unless it contained a Bill of Rights), he proposed this language for the First Amendment: “The civil rights of none shall be abridged on account of religious belief or worship, nor shall any national religion be established.”

It appears to us that he too was concerned mostly with the establishment of a national religion, namely a certain sect within Christianity (i.e. Congregationalist, Baptist, Episcopalian, etc.).

As we read from a lecture on this topic a few weeks ago, Madison was a member of a committee in Congress which chose and paid for Congressional chaplains, and he signed a law as president that gave federal monies to aid a Bible Society in its goal of the mass distribution of the Bible (particularly to the Indians). Our guess is that government action like that today would get struck down by the “separation” clause.

As for the The Virginia Act For Establishing Religious Freedom, we'll have to get to that in another post. Stephen is calling for us to come help him with the cabinets in the baby's room.

To us, the discussion all comes back to our original point – the “separation” phrase is misunderstood, and even more importantly, misused. The Founders created a system that allows us the freedom of exercising whatever religion we choose. You are certainly entitled to argue for a removal of all religion from the public sphere of civil government, and as we mentioned before, we think you have some strong arguments in your favor. But that removal certainly wasn’t the way the system worked initially, nor did the Founders intend it to be designed that way. Further, if our society has evolved into a post-Christian culture (as some historians argue), whether through increasing religious plurality or a larger number of people who are just not religious at all, we are free to change the system. But the point is that WE change it, not a group of nine dudes in black robes. And we change it based on legislative initiative, not through those same nine dudes proof-texting their political preferences from private letters and super-legislating from the Bench.

If the Supreme Court assumes that the Constitution has a wall of separation between church and state, and then says that a certain law is violating the Constitution's separation of church and state, they are simply begging the question.

And that’s a phrase we’ll choose to avoid.

Friday, July 06, 2007

Presupposing a Supreme Being?

Georgie commented on our earlier post about the usage of the phrase "separation of church and state." For fear that any response may get lost in the comments, we reply here.

First, every American is certainly free to believe what you will, religious or irreligious. We respect your beliefs, as we know you respect ours. Respect does not require agreement; by the same token, neither does disagreement excuse disrespect. This is the beauty of the American system – you won’t find such freedom in many places, for instance, most Muslim countries (and we would argue that this freedom is not unconnected to the Christian presuppositions we mention below)

Second, whether you believe in Supreme Being (and its effect or non-effect on our institutions) is one thing. Whether the people who created those institutions believed in such a being is another. Georgie thinks he is in the minority when it comes to presupposition of a Divine, we personally have no way of knowing whether he is or he isn’t – polls seem to fluctuate too much based on who’s giving them and what results they want. Regardless of present polls, however, this still does not change the fact that those who created the institutions by which we govern ourselves were a religious people who did presuppose a Supreme Being.

Take for example, our beloved South Carolina, where the people presuppose a God, and assume that liberty some how flows from that God. The preamble to the Constitution begins:
We, the people of the State of South Carolina, in Convention assembled, grateful
to God for our liberties, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the
preservation and perpetuation of the same.
Or Colorado, where we presently are working, which is by no means a part of the “Bible Belt”:
We, the people of Colorado, with profound reverence for the Supreme Ruler of the
Universe, in order to form a more independent and perfect government…

Or consider the self-evident truths contained in our own Declaration of Independence, from which we glean our American notion of equality, and which declares in no uncertain terms that all men are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

These examples should suffice it to say that Justice Douglas had not misspoken when he premised his opinion upon the assumption that our institutions presuppose a Supreme Being.

Third, Justice Frankfurter has frankly missed the point. At issue is whether a parent can choose to allow their child to leave school during the day to be instructed at a religious center. Frankfurter’s beef is twofold: he seems to have a problem with the fact that children are “forced” to remain in school and participate in the regularly scheduled curricular activities, and he doesn’t like the fact that religious instruction can substitute for school credit. First, the children left behind are not being required to do anything they weren’t already required to do – attendance is compulsory. They were going to be in school, like it or not. Second, if fully private and religious schooling is recognized under law as sufficient educational instruction, and it is, then supplementing a public school education with third party instruction is completely acceptable. If the left behind kids want an excuse to “get out of school,” they’re more than welcome to go the religious instruction with the rest of their classmates. And if the school already allows exceptions for students (i.e. permission to leave school for musical instruction, athletic competition, etc.), the First Amendment jurisprudence is relatively clear that to deny such an exception to a person because of the religious nature of their request is a blatant violation of the Free Exercise Clause and is subject to strict scrutiny.

To be honest, we think even Justice Douglas has some sketchy points, and our initial post was not to condone or condemn the case or the opinions. It was merely to recognize the correct usage of two phrases that we find frequently misused.

But since you brought it up…