Showing posts with label law school. Show all posts
Showing posts with label law school. Show all posts
Friday, February 20, 2009
Monday, April 21, 2008
Did you know . . .
. . . that the first black man to graduate from Harvard University received his law degree from the University of South Carolina?
Sunday, April 06, 2008
The End of an Era
The man who is perhaps our favorite professor thus far in our legal education retired this past month. We were thankful to have studied under him twice, once for Business Corporations and then this semester for Business Crimes (White Collar Practice).
He has dedicated his life to two things: bringing down corrupt people and developing a lengthy list of hilarious one-liners used to pepper his class lectures.
This semester, we made it a point to write down as many of these sayings as we could. So now, as we study for our final examination next week, we give you those sayings that made it into our notes:
"You lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas."
On why conspiracies are a unique threat to public safety:
“We’ve got people out there blowing themselves up left and right. Do you think the decision to blow yourself up is for or against your own self-interest, self-preservation? Huh? Ok, in a multiple choice question, check the “against” box.”
On the Fourth Circuit Court of Appeals:
Ha. You'll get to Richmond and wish you were in Pakistan or somewhere like that.
On the Federal mail fraud statute:
“All we’ve got to prove now is whether there was a scheme to defraud. Think that’s hard? Guess what – You’ve got a lot of people with their pants down around their ankles, who you de-pants-ed, who are really hurting right now. It's not hard. Na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye.”
There are certain people out there who would rather trace laundered money than eat. They are hardwired, by God, to straighten stuff like this out. Find them.
Nobody ever takes a bribe. They just borrow money, or take loans…that are never paid back.
You want it? You got it. Toyota.
Comma, however, comma . . .
Do you know what the definition of a strip mall is? Grocery store and one end, drug store at the other end, and 11 Chinese restaurants in between.
You know the saying about trying to teach a pig to dance? It doesn’t work, and it annoys the pig.
Just before abruptly ending class 25 minutes early:
Any questions on this, I’ll be happy to take any questions? [whining] “Weee wannnaaa go, John.” Ok. Go.
Commenting on a case where the Criminal drove a Volvo:
Just goes to show you, bad people can buy Volvo’s. It’s not just soccer moms.
“Martha Stewart thought she could charm the dog off of the meat wagon.”
Chiarella was going to be hung up on the cross to pay for the sins of Wall Street.
After calling on a third year student who knew the answer to his question:
God bless you. Somebody read the case here. What’s this case about? Food. Is food important to sustain life? Yes, John. What do you do with food? You eat it, John. You put it in your body and it sustains you, John.
Anyone ever been at a place when the FBI raided it? Guess what -- it's a big deal. In other words, get the H out of here. This is not kids stuff…this is not “ohh, the FBI was here today, it was fun, we had a cup of coffee and a donut and then they went home.” Uh-uh. This is for real.
Freud gets to heaven, St. Peter welcomes him. Says, “We’re so glad to see you here, you’ve come at just the right time. God is having delusions of grandeur.” Freud answered, “Why is that, what do you mean?”
St. Peter replied, “God thinks he’s a federal district court judge.”
If you’re an expert, don’t look like a whore. “Yeah, I’ll testify on whatever they want me to for some money.”
He has dedicated his life to two things: bringing down corrupt people and developing a lengthy list of hilarious one-liners used to pepper his class lectures.
This semester, we made it a point to write down as many of these sayings as we could. So now, as we study for our final examination next week, we give you those sayings that made it into our notes:
"You lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas."
On why conspiracies are a unique threat to public safety:
“We’ve got people out there blowing themselves up left and right. Do you think the decision to blow yourself up is for or against your own self-interest, self-preservation? Huh? Ok, in a multiple choice question, check the “against” box.”
On the Fourth Circuit Court of Appeals:
Ha. You'll get to Richmond and wish you were in Pakistan or somewhere like that.
On the Federal mail fraud statute:
“All we’ve got to prove now is whether there was a scheme to defraud. Think that’s hard? Guess what – You’ve got a lot of people with their pants down around their ankles, who you de-pants-ed, who are really hurting right now. It's not hard. Na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye.”
There are certain people out there who would rather trace laundered money than eat. They are hardwired, by God, to straighten stuff like this out. Find them.
Nobody ever takes a bribe. They just borrow money, or take loans…that are never paid back.
You want it? You got it. Toyota.
Comma, however, comma . . .
Do you know what the definition of a strip mall is? Grocery store and one end, drug store at the other end, and 11 Chinese restaurants in between.
You know the saying about trying to teach a pig to dance? It doesn’t work, and it annoys the pig.
Just before abruptly ending class 25 minutes early:
Any questions on this, I’ll be happy to take any questions? [whining] “Weee wannnaaa go, John.” Ok. Go.
Commenting on a case where the Criminal drove a Volvo:
Just goes to show you, bad people can buy Volvo’s. It’s not just soccer moms.
“Martha Stewart thought she could charm the dog off of the meat wagon.”
Chiarella was going to be hung up on the cross to pay for the sins of Wall Street.
After calling on a third year student who knew the answer to his question:
God bless you. Somebody read the case here. What’s this case about? Food. Is food important to sustain life? Yes, John. What do you do with food? You eat it, John. You put it in your body and it sustains you, John.
Anyone ever been at a place when the FBI raided it? Guess what -- it's a big deal. In other words, get the H out of here. This is not kids stuff…this is not “ohh, the FBI was here today, it was fun, we had a cup of coffee and a donut and then they went home.” Uh-uh. This is for real.
Freud gets to heaven, St. Peter welcomes him. Says, “We’re so glad to see you here, you’ve come at just the right time. God is having delusions of grandeur.” Freud answered, “Why is that, what do you mean?”
St. Peter replied, “God thinks he’s a federal district court judge.”
If you’re an expert, don’t look like a whore. “Yeah, I’ll testify on whatever they want me to for some money.”
Friday, February 15, 2008
Overheard, again.
Our friendly carrel neighbor was at it again this week.
On one occasion, it sounded as though he was having a fight, not with someone on the other end of the telephone, but with his textbooks. Despite being two rows over and several carrels down from us, we could hear (what sounded like) him picking up several textbooks, dropping them loudly on one side of his desk, and then letting out a sigh that was longer and louder than most air leaks in a tire. He would then repeat the process, presumably moving the stack of books to the other side of his desk, followed by yet another sigh. Keep in mind that these desks are no bigger than 3.5 feet x 2.5 feet. This behavior carried on for several minutes.
We feel bad for his desk.
But what really got our attention was another cell phone conversation. We assume that it was his (faithful?) mother on the other end. We'd love to get your thoughts as to what was being said by his mother...
A new car, eh? Perhaps this is the reward for a Property Exam grade that turned out better than we could have expected.
On one occasion, it sounded as though he was having a fight, not with someone on the other end of the telephone, but with his textbooks. Despite being two rows over and several carrels down from us, we could hear (what sounded like) him picking up several textbooks, dropping them loudly on one side of his desk, and then letting out a sigh that was longer and louder than most air leaks in a tire. He would then repeat the process, presumably moving the stack of books to the other side of his desk, followed by yet another sigh. Keep in mind that these desks are no bigger than 3.5 feet x 2.5 feet. This behavior carried on for several minutes.
We feel bad for his desk.
But what really got our attention was another cell phone conversation. We assume that it was his (faithful?) mother on the other end. We'd love to get your thoughts as to what was being said by his mother...
[Elevator doors open and out comes our hero]
Huckleberry Hound Dog: No, it’s a PT Cruiser.
Huck: Same thing though, its designed by the same person.
Huck: Well I hope it’s nicer.
Huck: Is it supposed to be nicer?
Huck: 'Cause I’m saying, I can’t pay off loans 'til I get out of school.
Huck: Hello?
Huck: I didn’t ask you to buy me a new car!!
Huck: Ok, I love you.
[Elevator doors open again, and away goes Huck. Apparently the Fourth Floor of the library is just one big telephone booth for him -- enter to make a call, leave when you're done.]
A new car, eh? Perhaps this is the reward for a Property Exam grade that turned out better than we could have expected.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Supreme Court YouTube
If Supreme Court justices were ever to enter the world of YouTube, it would probably resemble something like this footnote from a recent opinion by Justice Scalia in Scott v. Harris:
JUSTICE STEVENS suggests that our reaction to the videotape is somehow idiosyncratic, and seems to believe we are misrepresenting its contents. See post, at 4 (dissenting opinion) ("In sum, the factual statements by the Court of Appeals quoted by the Court . . . were entirely accurate"). We are happy to allow the videotape to speak for itself. See Record 36, Exh. A, available at http://www.supremecourtus.gov/opinions/video/scott_v_harris.rmvb and in Clerk of Court's case file.
The video is there for the watching. Enjoy, Justice Stevens.
JUSTICE STEVENS suggests that our reaction to the videotape is somehow idiosyncratic, and seems to believe we are misrepresenting its contents. See post, at 4 (dissenting opinion) ("In sum, the factual statements by the Court of Appeals quoted by the Court . . . were entirely accurate"). We are happy to allow the videotape to speak for itself. See Record 36, Exh. A, available at http://www.supremecourtus.gov/opinions/video/scott_v_harris.rmvb and in Clerk of Court's case file.
The video is there for the watching. Enjoy, Justice Stevens.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Buy one suit, get the second half price. Legal advice not included.
We've been budgeting for and weighing the options of two major expenses lately: a house and a new car. Perhaps we should have included a third consideration. Summer clothes. While many law firms are moving to a more casual dress code around the office, our firm in Denver is maintaining the traditional "suit and tie to work" sort of atmosphere. This of course means we need to revamp our suit and tie collection (with heavy emphasis on the suit part) - which means money. Big money. We're $taring at the receipt right now, thinking how today'$ wardrobe enhancement$ could have been a nice down payment on a house.
Oh well. As we and Murray always used to say, "You can't put a price tag on looking good."
Actually, we never said that. Nor has Murray. But it sounds like something he'd say, and we agree wholeheartedly.
We don't know how the sales biz works for people at clothing stores (do they work off commission, salary, hourly, or some combo?), but in our limited shopping experience we've found that the salesmen at men's clothing stores are always an odd bunch. Don't ask us why, they just are.
Terrible jokes.
Terrible shirt/tie combinations.
Terrible salesmen.
Actually, one man who helped us today was pretty nice, and we ended up purchasing from his store. But as we were checking out, we encountered another sales associate (a middle aged woman who wears clothes 3 sizes too small and smokes 3 packs a day too many) who fit the "odd mold" much better. Seeing she was jealous of the contribution we had just made to the other salesman's retirement fund, we struck up a conversation with her:
Us: "The nice thing about spending this much money on suits is that we don't have to do it very often. The next time we buy a suit, it'll be the kind with no pockets that they put on you when they lay you in your coffin." [we winked at her playfully]
Sales dude: "Yes, its an investment for sure."
Us: "No kidding. Hopefully this should get us through law school"
Sales Lady: "Law school huh? You can afford all of this. You'll be making the big bucks. There's plenty of money and work for you out there."
Us: "That's what we're counting on."
Sales Lady: "It's true. My brother got his law degree, but he doesn't practice law. Well, he can't
practice law, really."
Us: "Oh? Why is that? What does he do?"
Sales Lady: "Well, he's in jail. He got his law degree while he was in jail. But even when he gets out, he won't be able to practice, cuz the Bar won't let him. It's probably the whole jail thing."
Us: [speechless] [also, staring]
Sales Lady: "Yeah, he murdered his wife. [laugh/chuckle] So he's been in prison for a while. But even though he can't practice law when he gets out, it'll be nice to put on his resume."
Us: [in our head: What the !@%$#?] [and, "please tell me she's kidding about the getting out part] [and, "yes, we're sure that ol' Juris Doctor will look real good on the resume, right under Prior Residence: Georgia State Penitentiary"]
Sales Lady: "Yup, everyday he'd get on the bus from the jail and go to school. Pretty good deal, the State paid for all of it. Now he gives, like, legal advice and stuff to the other inmates, and he's a Trustee for a lot of them and works up in the Warden's office."
Us: [still to ourself: hmmm, can't think of a better person to trust our life and our life's earnings to. "Legal services for hire - I'll help you take the law into your own hands..."]
Sales Dude: "Wow."
Sales Lady: "I know! I always wanted to get a law degree, it was just too much money. Kinda makes me think I should kill somebody so I can get that same deal as my brother."
Sales Dude: [thinking: Noo, wow, you're an idiot and I can't believe you just said that] "Wellll, I'm sure it's cost him a lot more than just tuition."
Us: [almost out loud in very high voice: "Shiiiiiiiit."]
Sales Lady: "Yeah, but - it's Free! I mean, absolutely free! You can't beat that!"
========
We walked away. Part of us soo badly wanted to stay and probe this woman's mind with leading questions that would border on absurdity (yet with feigned sincerity), but we decided our time wasn't worth it at this point. After all, we don't know what they bill behind bars, but on this side of the barbed wire we're charging around $75 - 80/hour as a summer associate. The peace of mind that we won't kill you is free.
Why Georgia is paying for inmates to get a worthless JD we'll never know (assuming its true). Why that woman ever thought a free worthless degree was worth killing someone is depravity at its finest(?). Surely this woman was joking, you say. We personally don't think she was.
What we said earlier is true, you can't put a price tag on looking good. You also can't put a price tag on not being in jail for murdering somebody. But we're pretty sure that if you DID put a price tag on it, its worth way more than the "Buy One 25-Life Sentence And Get a Juris Doctor Degree For FREE" deal they're running down at the Ga Pen.
Which makes our large clothing purchase look like a steal. Pun very much intended.
Oh well. As we and Murray always used to say, "You can't put a price tag on looking good."
Actually, we never said that. Nor has Murray. But it sounds like something he'd say, and we agree wholeheartedly.
We don't know how the sales biz works for people at clothing stores (do they work off commission, salary, hourly, or some combo?), but in our limited shopping experience we've found that the salesmen at men's clothing stores are always an odd bunch. Don't ask us why, they just are.
Terrible jokes.
Terrible shirt/tie combinations.
Terrible salesmen.
Actually, one man who helped us today was pretty nice, and we ended up purchasing from his store. But as we were checking out, we encountered another sales associate (a middle aged woman who wears clothes 3 sizes too small and smokes 3 packs a day too many) who fit the "odd mold" much better. Seeing she was jealous of the contribution we had just made to the other salesman's retirement fund, we struck up a conversation with her:
Us: "The nice thing about spending this much money on suits is that we don't have to do it very often. The next time we buy a suit, it'll be the kind with no pockets that they put on you when they lay you in your coffin." [we winked at her playfully]
Sales dude: "Yes, its an investment for sure."
Us: "No kidding. Hopefully this should get us through law school"
Sales Lady: "Law school huh? You can afford all of this. You'll be making the big bucks. There's plenty of money and work for you out there."
Us: "That's what we're counting on."
Sales Lady: "It's true. My brother got his law degree, but he doesn't practice law. Well, he can't
practice law, really."
Us: "Oh? Why is that? What does he do?"
Sales Lady: "Well, he's in jail. He got his law degree while he was in jail. But even when he gets out, he won't be able to practice, cuz the Bar won't let him. It's probably the whole jail thing."
Us: [speechless] [also, staring]
Sales Lady: "Yeah, he murdered his wife. [laugh/chuckle] So he's been in prison for a while. But even though he can't practice law when he gets out, it'll be nice to put on his resume."
Us: [in our head: What the !@%$#?] [and, "please tell me she's kidding about the getting out part] [and, "yes, we're sure that ol' Juris Doctor will look real good on the resume, right under Prior Residence: Georgia State Penitentiary"]
Sales Lady: "Yup, everyday he'd get on the bus from the jail and go to school. Pretty good deal, the State paid for all of it. Now he gives, like, legal advice and stuff to the other inmates, and he's a Trustee for a lot of them and works up in the Warden's office."
Us: [still to ourself: hmmm, can't think of a better person to trust our life and our life's earnings to. "Legal services for hire - I'll help you take the law into your own hands..."]
Sales Dude: "Wow."
Sales Lady: "I know! I always wanted to get a law degree, it was just too much money. Kinda makes me think I should kill somebody so I can get that same deal as my brother."
Sales Dude: [thinking: Noo, wow, you're an idiot and I can't believe you just said that] "Wellll, I'm sure it's cost him a lot more than just tuition."
Us: [almost out loud in very high voice: "Shiiiiiiiit."]
Sales Lady: "Yeah, but - it's Free! I mean, absolutely free! You can't beat that!"
========
We walked away. Part of us soo badly wanted to stay and probe this woman's mind with leading questions that would border on absurdity (yet with feigned sincerity), but we decided our time wasn't worth it at this point. After all, we don't know what they bill behind bars, but on this side of the barbed wire we're charging around $75 - 80/hour as a summer associate. The peace of mind that we won't kill you is free.
Why Georgia is paying for inmates to get a worthless JD we'll never know (assuming its true). Why that woman ever thought a free worthless degree was worth killing someone is depravity at its finest(?). Surely this woman was joking, you say. We personally don't think she was.
What we said earlier is true, you can't put a price tag on looking good. You also can't put a price tag on not being in jail for murdering somebody. But we're pretty sure that if you DID put a price tag on it, its worth way more than the "Buy One 25-Life Sentence And Get a Juris Doctor Degree For FREE" deal they're running down at the Ga Pen.
Which makes our large clothing purchase look like a steal. Pun very much intended.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Manville Mustache Mania
Lawyers are, by and large, clean-shaven, well groomed, suave looking shmoozers. I'm sure that someday, I will find myself conforming to this stereotype. For now, I've found my own little way to rebel against the status quo.
Two words: fu manchu.
Interviews are approaching, and with them, the unavoidable question...to conform, or not to conform. Put differently, to shave, or not to shave.
Personally, I'm sticking with the 'stache.
Two words: fu manchu.
Interviews are approaching, and with them, the unavoidable question...to conform, or not to conform. Put differently, to shave, or not to shave.Personally, I'm sticking with the 'stache.
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Law School: Milestone #4
As best I can figure, there have been at least 3 milestones in my law school career to date.
Milestone 1. Being accepted.
Milestone 2. First day of class.
Milestone 3. First time being called on.
Today I reached Milestone #4 - Completion of first semester of law school classes.
Good news? Not exactly. This means Milestone #5 is in full effect - the deflowering of my law school exam virginity. I like to think of it as Mental Statutory (of, pertaining to, or of the nature of a statute; i.e. all things LAW) Rape.
Surely this is a crime.
Milestone 1. Being accepted.
Milestone 2. First day of class.
Milestone 3. First time being called on.
Today I reached Milestone #4 - Completion of first semester of law school classes.
Good news? Not exactly. This means Milestone #5 is in full effect - the deflowering of my law school exam virginity. I like to think of it as Mental Statutory (of, pertaining to, or of the nature of a statute; i.e. all things LAW) Rape.
Surely this is a crime.
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Lord, I was born a South Carolina attorney man
Lest you have any doubts, observe us along with our current professors for Torts, Contracts, Property, and the Dean of the law school...
This next one may seem out of place. It's not. Professor Cross (below) showed up to the first day of class with a bowtie AND a seersucker suit. We can tell that we are gonna be friends. (After complimenting him on his outfit, he informed us that in fact he cannot tie the bowties himself but that his wife ties them for him. Further, if he ever shows up to class wearing a regular tie, its because he and his wife had some sort of "disagreement" and she didn't tie his tie for him that morning.) He showed up the following class with a bowtie, looked at us and winked and said "I'm wearing another bowtie. That's a good sign, right?"
This next one may seem out of place. It's not. Professor Cross (below) showed up to the first day of class with a bowtie AND a seersucker suit. We can tell that we are gonna be friends. (After complimenting him on his outfit, he informed us that in fact he cannot tie the bowties himself but that his wife ties them for him. Further, if he ever shows up to class wearing a regular tie, its because he and his wife had some sort of "disagreement" and she didn't tie his tie for him that morning.) He showed up the following class with a bowtie, looked at us and winked and said "I'm wearing another bowtie. That's a good sign, right?"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
