Overheard

The law school has a limited number of "deluxe" study carrels available for student use. We use "deluxe" to distinguish these carrels, which are given only to winners of a school-wide lottery OR distinguished members of the SC Law Review, from the regular carrels available on a first come first serve basis. Also, the deluxe carrels have a door w/lock, window, filing cabinet, and built-in shelves.

What they do not have is soundproofing.

The carrels stand approximately 8 feet high, but the walls do not extend to the ceiling. There are about 20 of them side by side and several rows wide. Though most people are respectful of the fact that the carrels are located in a library, and house people who are intent on studying, there are a handful of people who fail to maintain the desired level of quiet.

Those people also seem to forget that everything they say can be heard by anyone within earshot, regardless of whether their door, or their neighbor's door, is closed.

There is one particular person who especially annoys us in this regard. It doesn't help that he is a rather large chap, or that his voice is unusually high and breathy for a man of his size. He speaks with a distinct Southern accent, sort of like Huckleberry Hounddog.

All semester, this particular gentleman would have telephone conversations in his carrel. Generally, he sounded exasperated, perturbed, and upset with the person on the other end. Without fail, however, he would end his conversation with a rather forced "I love you too."

We speculated that he was a newlywed, who's long hours in the library were taking a toll on his relationship with his new bride.

And then we heard this conversation during the final week of Final Exams last December. It was all we could do to keep from laughing out loud as we imagined what was being said on the other end of the phone while we typed out word-for-word what was being said. Like usual, our friend was speaking in his wit's end, frustrated voice:

Huckleberry Houndog: "Yeah, I just finished."

[Our imagination about the what the other conversationalist must have said to warrant that response]: Are you done with your exam?

Huck: "It was about property and stuff."

Imagination: She probably just asked, "What was the exam on?" [funny, you'd think his wife would be on top of this. Also, it doesn't bode well for your grade when your description is "property and stuff"]

Huck: "I don’t really have any clue."

Imagination: She must have asked "How do you think you did?"

Huck: "I can tell you this, every single one of my classmates is going out to have a beer right now."

Imagination: She said, "It was pretty difficult, huh?"

Huck: "Here’s a toned down version: imagine Andre the Giant giving a proctology exam."

Imagination: She must have asked "Well how hard was it?" But ew, please don't make us imagine that.

Huck: "I’m still pulling his foot out of my rectal cavity, it’s pretty far up there right now."

Imagination: If this guy's wife is as smart as he is, she probably had just asked "What's a proctology exam?"

Huck: "No Ma’am, I’m gonna go home and watch a Western, watch John Wayne kill a few people and call it a night."

Imagination: The wife probably just made sure that he wasn't going out drinking with his classmates. She must really have him on a chain...who says ma'am to their wife??

Huck: Let me tell you something, Mother. On the morning of December 12th I don’t want you calling the house early, because I’m gonna be asleep in my bed.

Imagination: MOTHER?!?! NO. WAY. It's his mom he's been talking to all of these weeks? WOW, this totally changes everything!! Quick, find someone to come listen to this...

Huck: "Mom, I’m hanging up the phone. I don’t want to listen to another one of your lectures."

Imagination: This is unbelievable.

Top 10 reasons you know you go to law school in South Carolina

10. Your professor's final exams always make derogatory references to Clemson and its graduates (e.g. please sign your name at the top of the exam packet, or if a Clemson graduate with special permission, make your mark; or fact patterns refer to a student from Clemdaughter, a Clemson graduate named Guber, etc.)

9. Your reading (for ANY class) regularly involves statements to the effect of "the vast majority of states recognize XX legal doctrine, with the exception of South Carolina" (e.g. SC the only state that doesn't recognize res ipsa loquitur, SC only state with 20 year theory of adverse possession, SC one of two states that still has fee simple conditional posessory estate, no second degree murder in SC, etc.)

8. Even the community desk/bench (it's large and semicircular, perhaps even a BFD) in the law school lobby, which students use for everything from eating to studying, has some serious history behind it. It was handcrafted as the first bench in the original South Carolina Supreme Court.

7. The winning class (2 year lawyer wannabes) in the annual Harvest Hope Food Drive won with 29,381 pounds of foot, probably 29,000 lbs. of which were large 50lb. bags of salt. And yet the law school thought this was pro bono enough of them to put pictures on the web page. Perhaps the 2L's got confused, and thought that instead of helping needy families, the food drive was actually a environmental effort to replenish the ocean's salt supply.

6. Despite your love for our glorious state (and all things South Carolina), you secretly hoped that the Charleston School of Law would not get accredited. When it passed accreditation a few weeks ago, you secretly hoped Charleston might try to secede from the state, and take its law school with it.

5. Your school's most notable publication is the ABA Real Property, Probate and Trust Journal, the premier scholarly publication in the property and probate fields (it is the second largest law review in the country). Which is ironic, given that South Carolina is somewhat of a property law anomaly (see #9 above).

4. Your professors will call on you repeatedly simply because you wear a shirt containing any shade of orange. You will also be ostracized/ridiculed by your classmates (except for the other gubers wearing orange).

3. Bow ties are a common clothing accessory among faculty and students alike.

2. Some guys in the back row dip while taking their finals.

1. With 20 minutes left during your last final exam, you hear the pop of an aluminum can being opened...one of your classmates hands in his exam and walks across the front of the classroom with a small brown bag in hand. He turns, waves to the class, and chugs the whole beer as he exits the room.

Law School Exams, Day 2: Thoughts on Day 1

Noel, Gilli, Tricia, Paige, and all my fellow Apple mates, you will find this particularly nauseating.

USC now (as of this school year) began requiring all law students to own a laptop. Unbeknownst to me (prior the semester) the requirement was that all law students own a PC laptop.

Let the discrimination/frustration/superiority complex begin.

First, there is a fairly cumbersome procedure one must go through every time one attempts to access the law school wireless. My PC user friends have all had trouble with it at some point this semester. I have not.

Mac 1 - Bill Gates 0.

The one time I DID have trouble (at the very beginning of the semester) I was turned away by the law school IT guy because they don't support Mac. I figured out the problem on my own.

Mac and Me 2 (since I discovered the solution) - Law School Techie who apparently has an old 486 shoved up his butt, 0.

Now the fun begins. The laptop requirement exists because of an evil program called Secure Exam. Secure Exam hates Macs. Actually, from my experience, it doesn't get along well with PC's either. Secure Exam was probably created by kids who don't play well with others.

Here's how it works:
1. Shut down all programs.
2. Access USC wireless.
3. Log in to Clean Access Agent - I have no idea what this does.
4. Log into VPN Client - extra protection hoop for wireless access.
5. Log into Secure Exam.
6. At this point, your entire computer is frozen except for Secure Exam - no accessing the internet, other files, etc. And if you're computer shuts down, it logs automatically back into Secure Exam, and you can't get out of it without a Proctor's password.

Again, this doesn't work with Apple computers.

So if you're a Mac user, you're SOL. A month ago I was informed that I would have to find a PC to borrow during exams. Difficulty #1, who can just loan a laptop out for 2 weeks? Difficulty #2, Secure Exam requires you to delete all antivirus protection (Norton, McAfee, etc.) and turn off a bunch of other stuff I don't understand (and neither to the IT guys). I find it no coincidence that USC announced this fall that they are hiring/creating a new Head of IT position for next year.

After deleting all of the protective software and updates etc. from my mom's computer and spending an entire Saturday in the library downloading and installing all the necessary programs, Secure Exam still did not work.

I gave up. Also, I swore a lot.

USC finally owned up to their ignorance, at least partially, and offered a loaner computer to Mac users during exams this fall. Since they claim this is a one time deal, I may still have to purchase a PC for next spring.

NOW...

Prior to yesterday's first exam, our class received an email stating that, inter alia, Secure Exam has found a glitch where if you attempt to use word count or spell check (both of which are important because our profs are sticklers about spelling and length of answers) there is a 15% chance the program will freeze and you will lose your work entirely. Brilliant.

Query: What Mac has EVER frozen from running a word count or spell check?
Answer: None. No not one.
Mac 3 - USC, Secure Exam, Bill Gates, and all PC's in general, 0. Minus 1 million for every brain cell you caused me to lose, and because I hate you. So now, -1 million.


Further, just minutes prior to taking the exam, our proctor instructed us that at least 5 or 10 of us would get an error message when attempting to upload our completed exam - alert her IMMEDIATELY or all is lost.

Thankfully, my loaner computer worked fine. Not everyone can say the same - some folks had trouble logging in before the exam started. Some folks had error messages regarding the completed exam. I think we all survived. But thanks to the PC world, our first exams in law school are even more stressful than they should be.

And to think I get to do it all over again on Friday...

Law School Exams, Day 1: Contracts

Inconvenience and injustice would result if matters in writing, made with consideration, and intended to embody the entire agreement were liable to be controlled by the uncertain testimony of slippery memory. - Lord Coker, quoted in Thompson v. Libby

I hope to heck that for once, I'm not Slippery.

In a commercial transaction it does not promote justice to seek strained interpretations in aid of those who don't protect themselves. - Judge Learned Hand, James Baird Co. v. Gimbel Bros., Inc.

On the other "Hand," the Lord helps those who help themselves. Or something. Anyway, I've helped myself about as much as I can.

Reasonable reliance resulting in a foreseeable prejudicial change in position affords a compelling basis for implying a subsidiary promise not to revoke an offer for a bilateral contract. - Justice Traynor, Drennan v. Star Paving Co.

In other words, if you build it, they will come. And if they don't, we'll sue 'em all. Also, those who study a lot should get better grades.