Two words: fu manchu.
Personally, I'm sticking with the 'stache.
"He who loves not wine, women and song, remains a fool his whole life long." - Martin Luther
This may have not been a wise decision, but we responded. We couldn't resist.Good Day [Sleuth],I crave your indulgence to kindly attend to this in good faith. I do not mean any disrespect approaching you through this medium. It is due to the time constrained of this matter.My name is Barrister Bill Johnson, a legal practitioner and the personal Attorney to Mr.Quan [Sleuth], a national of your country here in after referred to as my client. My client Mr.Quan and his family was involved in an unfortunate 21st April 2002 fatal auto crash along loftus road London in which people were burnt to death. he lost his life alone with his family.My late client was an oil magnet working with Chevron Oil Plc United Kingdom and had left behind a deposit of Eight Million seven hundred thousand pounds only (£8.7million) with a finance company. After the death of my client, the finance company contacted me, as his Attorney to provide his next of kin who should inherit his fortune. This according to them is their policy in sure circumstances. But Since his death I have made several Enquiries through your Embassy to locate any of my client's extended relative but this exercise has proved unsuccessful. I had to inform the finance company about my fruitless effort in locating my late client close relative or his next of kin. The board of directors of the company just adopted a resolution and I was mandated to provide his next of kin for the payment of this money within the next 15 official working days or forfeit the money as an abandoned fund.The company had planned to invoke the abandoned property decree of 1996 to confiscate the funds after the expiration of the period given to me. But after an investigation in the finance company, I found out that some members of the company wants to divert this fund into their private accounts for their own interest and only want, to use the excuse that since I am not able to look for some one to make the claim, the money should be made unserviceable and that means submitting the fund to the federal government of this country and some to the company management which is not their main intentions.I have reasoned very professionally and I feel it will be legally proper to present you as the next of kin of my deceased client. This is legally possible and would be done in accordance with the laws of the land. I seek your consent to present you as the Next of Kin to the Deceased since you are at an advantage, bearing the same surname and equally from the same country, so that the proceeds of This Bank Account valued at £8.7 Million pounds can be paid to you, before they get confiscated or declared unserviceable to the bank where this huge deposit were lodged. note that this is legal, and 100% risk free since I have all vital documents that would be requested by them and that would confer you the legal right to make this claim.I do sincerely sympathize the death of my client, but had thought it unprofitable for his funds to be summated to the federal government of this country. My aim now is to retrieve this fund, and for this I seek your assistance. Since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for over 3years now I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin of the deceased since you have the same last name, so that the proceeds of this account valued at £8.7 Million pounds can be paid to you and then you and me can share the money, 60%to me and 40% to you. I know there might be other persons out there with the same last name as my late client. But after a little check my instinct tells me to contact you, can I trust you on this?. Will you be willing to assist me make this claim. I shall assemble all the necessary Legal Documents that will be used to back up your claim.I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. Please get in touch with me by alternative email billjohnson_esq@excite.com for better confidentiality and send to me your telephone and fax numbers to enable us discuss further about this transaction. My phone number is 44-76-2415-5245 Fax:+44-87-1256-3615 if this proposal is acceptable by you; do not take undue advantage of the trust I have bestowed in you, I await your urgent response.Best regards,Bill Johnson (Esq.)Reply To:billjohnson_esq@excite.comTel:+44-76-2415-5245Fax:+44-87-1256-3615PLEASE TREAT AS ABSOLUTELY CONFIDENTIAL.
Barrister Bill,
I regret to inform you that "your instinct" was wrong on this one. I believe the email address you meant to send this letter to was Ihavedumbasswrittenonmyforehead@gmail.com. Perhaps they can crave your indulgence.
Keep "reasoning professionally." You're doing great so far.
Sincerely,
J. Edgar Hoover
Director, Federal Bureau of Investigation
United States Department of Justice
"Essien rescued Chelsea with a 35-yard thunderbolt six minutes from the end and the home side were unlucky to finish on level terms when they twice hit the woodwork in stoppage time."
There's Winston [third founding member of MPC and current Project Manager] who always orders the worst thing on the menu ("egg sandwich sunny side up"). Characteristic of his bad taste in pop culture and most food.
Jamey ["Cool" Poole] who always eats free (years of practicing golf have finally paid off). Ironic since Jamey doesn't come across as much of a gambler.
Slippery [if you don't know who Slippery is...] who always eats free... at home instead of eating out with us. Before he got slippery he was known as Stingy Sleuth.
Andy Givens [Murray's Pensacola roommate] who always upsets the waitress ("would you like a beer?" "No just cheerios and orange juice" after being singled out for a driver's license at Big Bear). Andy likes to upset people.
Brien [Murray] who is always stuck with Jamey's bill. Typical of his ill-luck with golf.
Scott Hudson who always orders the best thing on the menu (and probably most expensive). Scott demands the best in quality and is willing to pay for it.
Miller Weedn [MPC salesman] who always eats out three times a day, 7 days a week. Miller Time to find a wife.
Inconvenience and injustice would result if matters in writing, made with consideration, and intended to embody the entire agreement were liable to be controlled by the uncertain testimony of slippery memory. - Lord Coker, quoted in Thompson v. Libby
In a commercial transaction it does not promote justice to seek strained interpretations in aid of those who don't protect themselves. - Judge Learned Hand, James Baird Co. v. Gimbel Bros., Inc.
Reasonable reliance resulting in a foreseeable prejudicial change in position affords a compelling basis for implying a subsidiary promise not to revoke an offer for a bilateral contract. - Justice Traynor, Drennan v. Star Paving Co.
From Amazon: "In the same vein as Trainspotting and Pulp Fiction, the soundtrack covers a spectrum of musical hipness that is essential to the tone of the film artists included are Massive Attack, Madonna, Mirwais, Oasis, The Stranglers and The Specials."Which reminds us, Murray, did you ever get the Snatch DVD back from Antonio...?
We think Gilli will include some Phish
We think Jamey may refer us to Sufjan
Macey will lead us in the ways of techno. Or Rush.
Noel has probably found some new hip hop band with sweet grooves that you would never imagine a computer programmer would jive to...
Strawbridge will lavish praises on some shuttle bus driver/musician that he met at the airport
Murray = Phoenix
Bintz says Mother Love Bone, but we seriously doubt BMG has that
Johnny T's music collection is already identical to ours
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