Golf

Golf is a weird game, if you really stop to think about it. Go ahead, stop to think about it for a minute. While most sports include some sort of "ball", golf falls in the category of sports which require the use of an additional object that is used to direct or guide or manipulate the ball. Unlike hockey, lacrosse, or even baseball and cricket, golf is by far the least "contact" sport of them all. This explains its wide age range of players. It's also a fairly expensive sport, with a decidedly "upper class" flair to it. It's also the only sport I know of that businessmen and executives will play during a meeting. But I guess what gets me most is just the idea of it all - the fact that we would pay lots of money to stand several hundred yards away from a hole in the ground of about 108mm wide, and hit a small ball as hard as we can with some metal sticks and try and get it in the hole while avoiding trees, lakes, streams, large piles of sand, hills, etc. Its weird, but there is also something beautiful about it.

This morning at 8:50, Meyer's Pride Construction hosted its first Skins Game. The field was small, only three competitors, compared to the usual four. The course, Colony West. The weather was beautiful, a cool 74 degrees all morning. The competition was tight and full of drama, with the outcome hanging in the balance until the final putt on the 18th hole. I believe a good time was had by all.

We hope that this can become a regular monthly outing, a tradition unlike any other. For now, I was just content to be in the beautiful outdoors, surrounded by hundreds of roofs with blue tarps but not caring a bit about them.

In other news, Jamey has just become the first person I have ever met to go the dentist, only to have the dentist tell him to quit brushing. Apparently he brushes his teeth as hard as he hits a golf ball, and he is danger of a receding gumline and possible "bone damage." I believe the exact term was a "gum divot."

You might be a Hebrew hick if...

In my current slow but steady trek through the pages of Genesis, a thought occurred to me yesterday that I have been chewing on ever since.

I believe that I stumbled across the first (and maybe only) Hebrew redneck worthy of Jeff Foxworthy approval. Esau the Stable Guy.

Here's why i'm willing to grant Esau redneck status:

Esau loved to hunt, and he was a man of the earth.

His nickname was "Red." This is in part because of his thick hair, not just on his head but "all over like a hairy garmet."

He gave up the money his old man would have left him for a bowl of soup. Lentil soup, actually, which is like the Hebrew equivalent of the Ramen you can buy at Walmart for 15 cents. Probably went down like this:
Esau: "Hey man, lemme have a swaller of that there stew ya got cookin there."
Jacob: "First give me the deed to the double wide and the keys to Daddy's F-150 that you'll get when the old man finally kicks it."
Esau: "Gah dang man I'm so hungry I could eat a horse. Aaight, you gimme some of that there soup, I'll give ya them deeds and keys. Shoot man, what the hell, you gimme that whole pot and I'll give ya them new tires I been meaning to put on that truck. Now get r done, man."
Jacob: First swear to me.
Esau: Look here you @*!# piece of *$#!. Gimme that soup 'fore I kick your ass so hard you'll have to drop your pants just to chew your food.

His nickname was Red. This is also because of the color of the soup. This is like calling a guy Bud because of what he drinks.

Esau lived at home until he was 40.

Esau married two girls at once.

Then Esau married a few more times.

Jacob and Esau were prophecied to be two nations struggling against each other. Esau was the Southern nation.

There's a lot more, but I'll leave it at that for now. To conclude, here is a picture of what I imagine Esau might have looked like, were he to have gone to the racetrack one day.

Monday's with Murray

Murray: "And that's just the Visas..."

What do Kiera Knightley and Daler Mehndi have in common?

This is a question I lay in bed pondering each night until I fall asleep. Actually, tonight is the only night i've ever thought about this, and it's only because of some quick Google research I just did.

Preface: As I was working on some stuff earlier this evening, I turned on the tube for some background noise, hoping to find a good history channel special or the animal planet marathon. Instead my channel surfing stumbled across a video starring my favorite actress. Keira Knightley. Bend it Like Beckham has been on my list of must see movies for a while, not because I had to see the move, but because I must see Keira. Perhaps its because she's cute as a button (or as Dave Page says, superfly). Perhaps its because of her cute accent. Probably its both. Either way, Keira Knightley is must see TV.

The movie was not that great. I kept working, looking up only when I heard her voice. But then I heard something else, music that made my ears perk up like a watch dog's. It was Indian pop rock. It was Daler Mehndi.

As it turns out, it probably wasn't Daler Mehndi (though I haven't searched deep enough into the Bend it Like Beckham credits to see). But it definitely was bhangra music, a type of Indian harvest folk dance music, which apparently has seen quite a revival in recent years thanks in huge part to Daler Mehndi and his blending of this folk music with upbeat hip hop rhythms.

For those of you unfamiliar with Daler Mehndi, check out one of his popular music videos, Tunak Tunak Tan, and then try to imagine what life were like if 35 wild college males, all living on the same hall, were to adopt this as their "daily soundtrack" and incorporate it in every aspect of life, from skits to walk-off's to naked dance parties to study music. Welcome to life on Second South. Those were the days...

For those of you who know firsthand the Daler way, I bring you glad tidings of great joy. The Daler Mehndi Fan Club is giving you the opportunity to be the Dalerious DJ ”M” by hosting a TUNAK TUNAK TAN REMIX CONTEST. They are taking your entries now.

Life is good.

Also, apparently we are not the only ones to have learned the Tunak dance and recorded it on video.

Business at MPC is really good...

...so I bought a new car.

Here it is in my driveway this morning.

Actually I'm just kidding. That is not really my car. I don't even own a car. I own a truck. My truck is in the shop, however, having the engine worked on, so they gave me a rental car for the weekend. This is it. Sure beats your Sebrine, huh Marshall Rowe?

Vengeance is Allah's

The fighting Gamecocks of the University of South Carolina upset Cincinnati in the basketball NIT quarterfinals tonight. Some will argue this is because two of Cincinnati's starters were declared ineligible 2 hours prior to the game.

One of the starters who was not allowed to play is named Jihad Muhammad. With a name like that I would have declared him ineligible too, mostly for homeland security reasons.

I can only hope, for the safety of Carolina fans everywhere, that Jihad Muhammad takes losing better than I do.

Topographic Variety

My conversation in line at the USPS yesterday:

Me: (to the cute latino girl working behind the counter) That's a beautiful name.

Carolina (the cute latino USPS employee): Thank you.

Me: That's where I'm from, so I'm a bit partial. (she smiled shyly, but I could tell my charm had won her over)

Carolina: Ahh. So why are you in Florida.

Me: Roofing. Business.

Carolina: So you are making lots of money?

Me: Hopefully. (I was hesitant to answer - I didn't want her to love me simply for my money)


Pause in the conversation as she gets my stamps.


Carolina: Will you ever go back?

Me: To Carolina? Oh yeah, most definitely.

Carolina: You do not like it here? Why not? It is so nice, we have beaches .

Me: Yeah, but its just too bland here. I love it at home. We have beaches in Carolina, but we also have forests and mountains and lakes and rivers and colors and smells that Florida doesn't have. And space, we have a lot more space. Everything is crowded here.

Carolina: (laughing) We have mountians. Just drive down Sample and you will run into a Mountain.

Me: That is not a mountain.

Carolina: Sure it is.

Me: Well, south florida doesn't have seasons. I mean, its still officially winter and its 74 degrees outside.

Carolina: Ok. You win.

Me: Do you have any free stamps?

Carolina: (wink) nope.


And that is how you flirt with a postal worker.

On being a salesman

Being a salesman requires a certain sort of charisma and charm. It requires that you be good at the art of "small talk. It requires a sixth sense of being able to pick up on little bits of information unknowingly supplied to you by the people you are trying to sell to and turning that information into conversational topics that slowly earn you confidence and trust in the mind of the customer. It requires you walk a fine line between humor that puts your customer at ease and humor that makes you look pathetic. It requires that you lead the customer to a decision, rather than push them there. A good salesman should be able to anticipate the customers questions and concerns and confidently answer them without sounding like a condescending jerk know-it-all. Patience and Persistance are salesman virtues.

I'm not sure if I possess these qualities. But I'm working on it.

My sister, Ashleigh, and my friend, Tricia, went to the Phillipines last summer. This is important info because it works its way into what I call my "experiences that I can share to help build confidence and relationships to get sales repertoire."

Pictured below is Victor and Maria. I sold them a roof. Maria is a 3F person. Filipino, Fiesty and Friendly. I called her Ate Maria. She liked that. While I tried to explain the legal mumbo-jumbo of our contract to her husband, she kept bringing me magazines with Filipino male models, explaining to me how beautiful they were and pointing out the ones that she thought I resembled. Her husband told me I should take my roof earnings and move to the Philipines, where I would live like a rock star.

I used Shleigh and Tricia's experiences in Manila and Los Banos to gain her favor, which in turn encouraged her and her husband to sign my papers. I am slowly becoming a good salesman.

Monday's with Murray and GW

I was sitting at the BFD doing some work when Brien entered the office with the mail. Without saying a work, although I could hear him smiling, he plopped a small wooden gavel down on the desk (pictured below) and handed me a handful of papers, which included a picture, an award, and the following PRESS RELEASE:


FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

BRIEN MEYER APPOINTED TO BUSINESS ADVISORY COUNCIL

Washington, D.C. – The National Republican Congressional Committee announced that Brien Mayer has been appointed to serve on the Business Advisory Council (BAC) in recognition of valuable contributions and dedication to the Republican Party.

Meyer will serve the state of Florida and is expected to play a crucial role in the Party’s efforts to involved top business people in the process of government reform.

The Business Advisory Council is part of the National Republican Congressional Committee, and is dedicated to making sure that small business has a voice in Washington.

Meyer, who has long supported Republican ideals, particularly debt reduction and tax reform, will be a key member of the Council.


Lest you accuse me of joking, I have included pictures as proof that I speak truth.

This also reminds me of one of 211’s most memorable quotes, which to this day Stephen Strawbridge loves to recall. During our sophomore year of college (2000-2001) Brien Meyer was overheard talking on the telephone in his closet office, firmly chastising someone on the other end of the line by saying “I don’t care who he’s running against, George Bush is a good man!”

Meet Murray, my yellow dog Republican friend/roommate/landlord/partner.

Things that unnerve me while standing on the edge of a 10ft. roof...

Things that unnerve me when I'm driving my truck...

Show us the money

Today was an important day for MPC. Actually, yesterday was also important, and helped prepare the way for the important day today. Yesterday we finally purchased our liability insurance. We are now fully legit and ready to do business. This was important for numerous reasons, perhaps most importantly because we can now receive leads from our leads companies. Since Monday afternoon the leads have been pouring in.

Because of these leads, we were able to accomplish something that no one in the history of MPC has done to date - collect a check. Yes, after months of expeneses and billls, MPC has finally begun to get some income and revenue. woohoo.

Here is the Sleuth with the check.


and here is Murray preparing to do submit our first insurance claim, as a result of the Sleuth's sale.


Floridians, prepare to be served. Insurance companies, prepare to be pestered. Roofs, say hello to ol' Slippery. Life outside of work, prepare to suck.

Monday's with Murray (and Hansel)

Normally, on Monday's I put pictures of Murray on here because of his inherently photogenic nature. He is pictured here with my sister, Shleigh, who is also pretty dang cute on camera.

However, neither can compare to my male model friend, Hansel Pharaoh. He's so hot right now.

An ode to SB06

Blest be the tie that binds Our hearts in Christian love;
The fellowship of kindred mind Is like to that above.

Before our Father’s throne We pour our ardent prayers;
Our fears, our hopes, our aims are one Our comforts and our cares.

We share each other’s woes, Our mutual burdens bear;
And often for each other flows The sympathizing tear.

When we asunder part, It gives us inward pain;
But we shall still be joined in heart, And hope to meet again.

This glorious hope revives Our courage by the way;
While each in expectation lives, And longs to see the day.

From sorrow, toil and pain, And sin, we shall be free,
And perfect love and friendship reign Through all eternity.

Look away, look away, look away Dixie land

I received my first letter of acceptance/denial for law school. As they would have it, the folks at the University of Mississippi have extended the hand of fellowship and have graciously asked that I attend their law school this fall. Although Ole Miss was not my top choice by any means, it is nice to know that I have a fall back school, and it is somewhat a relief for the waiting game to finally be broken.

Some would say that Ole Miss is in fact a perfect fit for me:

1. It's Deep South.
2. They appreciate their college football.
3. I already dress like an Ole Miss boy.
4. The school is in Oxford.
5. They are Rebels.

I do not disagree with these things.

While we're on the topic of acceptance letters, my sister Jennifer has also been accepted to another school - this one a little more prestigious than Ole Miss.
And Brittany is going to Covenant next fall.

Them Luthers are getting ejumucated.

SB06

Working for yourself makes you feel young. What I mean is, because we at Meyer's Pride basically set our own schedule, Brien and I are looking forward to being able to take off a goodly portion of next week to entertain some out of town guests.

How does this make you feel young, you ask?

By out of town guests, I mean 14 college students (my sister and friends, Brien's sister and friends) on spring break staying in our humble mansion. By taking off work to entertain, we enter in to their world, thereby reliving and experiencing vicariously through their visit the whole phenomenon known as spring break.

Being in construction sales is like Old School for the working man - all of the fun of college, with none of the entangling comittments of the real world.

Roofs of Florida, I promise to revisit your well being next week. In the meantime, try not to leak or anything.

Craigslist turned Tom & Jerry

The 3 Blind Mice are officially in hiding and have enrolled in a government relocation program. After Mel, we thought our Craigslist ad was one of the best things we'd done all year. However, several email solicitiations and propositions have put these mice on the run - the following is the tamest excerpt my conscience would allow me to quote (also because I know you South/Central boys would appreciate the Anchorman associations that come to mind with "afternoon delight").

"three blind mice. cat on the prowl. i am in margate here is my number if u are in need of some after noon delight."


Baaah.

Monday's with Murray (and guest Diamond Dave Page)

Dave Page is in the house. And with him, his (and our) best friend, Jack. Jack has grown since he used to live with us in Flinstone, in this picture i have included other important items in my life, as comparative size referents. Dave has not changed much - still as loveable as always.

Speaking of loveable, how can you not love the autistic teenager from New York who's made headline news with his 20 points in the last four minutes of his high school basketball game?. I saw the report on CBS yesterday, and I've rewatched the CBS video report about 4 times now - every time I tear up, just like at the end of Rudy. Plus, the coach's name is Jim Johnson.

Le Tub v. McDonalds

Last night we visited Le Tub, a local hamburger joint. I went in part because Brien and Jamey had been before and highly recommended the burgers. Also, GQ magazine, which has Top Lists on everything from the 20 Worst Dressed British Males to the 10 Most Hated Athletes, had rated Le Tub as the #1 Hamburger You Must Eat Before You Die.

I took this to mean that I was about to spend $10.50 for the best hamburger in America (which Brien noted meant by default was also the best hamburger in the world).

I was wrong.

Supposedly, getting cheese adds $2 to this already expensive vegetarian nightmare, so I prepared to save some money by bringing my own cheese. Unfortunately, I left the cheese on the counter at home. This disappointment subsided temporarily when we arrived at Le Tub - the place looked pretty awesome. Situated on the intercostal waterway, the restaurant resembles the Swiss Family Robinson's tree house, only spread out right along the edge of the water, and not quite so high up off of the ground. In between some of the tables, the bamboo and the palm trees are several porch swings, and the place is lit by a few lanterns and the ocassional tiki torch. This would be a sweet date restaurant.

The fact that the restaurant was decorated with toilets everwhere should have been a sign that things might get crappy.

We almost decided against eating there when we were told there was about an hour wait. However, this seemed like a small sacrifice for the best burger in the world. We ordered and then waited for 1.5 hours for our food. The lady was nice enough to keep bringing us chips and salsa, but that was about all we got. Unless you order alcohol, the only drinks you get you have to fetch for yourself with a Dixie cup from the orange cooler around the corner.

It was the worst burger I ever ate. Besides being too big to fit in my mouth, it was charred beyond belief. The burger was about 2 inches thick. Nearly 1/2 inch of that was burnt. The middle was barely cooked. This was hard to notice in the dark, but a picture later revealed the rare meat that was hidden by the crispy crunchy outer crust. I pray this is not the last post I make before I die from Escherichia coli. Everyone finished their burger except Dave and I. We complained, and the lady gave it too us for 1/2 price. On the way out I noticed the said "Complaint Department" - it pointed to the parking lot dumpster.

Le Tub was Le Gross and Le Burnt. The atmosphere was pretty Le Cool, but it was way over Le Priced and the food/service basically Le Sucked. I want my Armando's.

The only thing that redeemed the evening was that 45 minutes into the wait we decided to call Mel, our friend from Craigslist.
She sounds Le Sweet.

Saturdays with Slippery Sleuth

Monday's with Murray was off this week. It should return next Monday. In its place, we offer a free sample of Saturdays with Slippery Sleuth, this blogs secret, daily, subscription e-mail newsletter glimpse into the life of one Manville's founding fathers (by invitation only). For those of you who do not know the history of the nickname "slippery sleuth," this entry is not for you.


Jim (the water purifier salesman who came to our house to test our water): So who drinks the Zephyrills water?

Murray: Me.

Jim (scoffing): That's the worst bottled water you can drink.

Slippery Sleuth (proud that unlike Murray, he hasn't poured his money in crappy bottled water): I don't. I drink a Nalgene full of this tap water. Ha ha.

Jim: (holding up the test tube of tap water) As you can see, the water you are drinking from the tap is very hard water and is basically chlorine and sediment. This stuff is almost lethal.

Slippery Sleuth: (silent)

Jim: Now, Jason, come here and try washing your hands with the tap water, and then with the purified water.

I washed my hands vigorously under the alternating streams of "pure" and "unpure" water.

Jim: Feel that!! Feel how your hands are all SLIPPERY?!? They're SLIPPERY aren't they? (looks at Brien who has begun to laugh) You want to try? Look at Jason, he's all SLIPPERY.

Slippery Sleuth: (laughing hysterically) Look at me Murr. I'm all SLIPPERY.

Murray and Slippery laughed at Jim all the way out the front door.

the end.