Quote of the Day: Irony or Coincidence?

“I had never really traced my family history...”

—Al Sharpton, who has repeatedly demanded reparations, upon finding that an ancestor was owned by a distant relation of the late Sen. Strom Thurmond

Yankees...worse than fire ants

"Slowly but surely they have taken over Hilton Head, they've taken over Beaufort County. They're infiltrating Jasper County...they're worse than fire ants."
-Henry Ingram

After discussing a case in property today regarding negative deed restrictions that prohibited the sale of property to Negroes and Mongolians (why Mongolians were mentioned I have no idea - guess I forgot about that huge influx of Asian immigrants in St. Louis in the 1910's), our professor presented us with an interesting story.

A dude in South Carolina (Henry Ingram), owner of the Delta Plantation just north of Savannah GA, has certain restrictive covenants preventing the sale or lease of his property to people of the "Yankee race."

These prohibitions include:
1. Anyone from north of the Mason Dixon line (or who have lived above the line for over a year)
2. Anyone with the last name of Sherman, or whose last name can be rearranged to spell Sherman
3. No redwood can be used on the property (evidently there are certain types of redwood named after General Sherman)

Thankfully, ol' Henry has lightened up a bit in his old age. Now, the modified covenant allows a Yankee to purchase the land, only on the condition that he recite a Southern Oath, promising that "when speaking of Yankees, I will refer to them as scalawags or carpetbaggers." Furthermore, these proselytized folks must "whistle or hum Dixie as a sign of [their] loyalty and as a token of [their] new outlook on life."

Ahhh...just another fine day in South Carolina property law land.

Northerners are a people lost to all shame . . . cowards by nature, thieves upon principle, and assassins at heart. . . . The tiger that laps the blood and the beetle that gorges excrement, are but Yankees of the animal kingdom . . . our feelings towards [these] scarabi and vipers of humanity should be characterized neither by rage nor nausea, but by a fixed cheerful Christian determination to . . . curb their inordinate and bloody lusts by such adequate means as natural with suggests; and, as a general thing, to kill them without idle question as to whether they are reptiles or vermin. - John Daniel, Richmond Enquirer, 1863

V-day and Global Warming (but not in my words)

I'm so busy entertaining all the various lady friends in my life, I don't have time for original thoughts on this Valentines Day.

But James Taranto from the Wall Street Journal does:

London's Daily Telegraph reports that sending flowers on Valentine's Day can contribute to warming--and not just of your sweetie's heart:

The Valentine's Day bouquet--the gift that every woman in Britain will be waiting for next week--has become the latest bête noire among environmental campaigners.

Latest Government figures show that the flowers that make up the average bunch have flown 33,800 miles to reach Britain. . . .

Environmentalists warned that "flower miles" could have serious implications on climate change in terms of carbon dioxide emissions from aeroplanes.

The Telegraph's headline reads "Valentine Bouquets 'Are Bad for the Planet.' " It occurred to us that some neglectful husbands and boyfriends are going to use this as an excuse: I would have sent you flowers, honey, but I wanted to save the planet. Trust us on this one, guys, it won't work.

On the other hand, think of how much more meaningful it now is if you do send flowers. The message: You mean more to me than the whole world. This may be the best thing ever to happen to the floral industry.

Well said James, well said.

Manville Mustache Mania

Lawyers are, by and large, clean-shaven, well groomed, suave looking shmoozers. I'm sure that someday, I will find myself conforming to this stereotype. For now, I've found my own little way to rebel against the status quo.

Two words: fu manchu.



Interviews are approaching, and with them, the unavoidable question...to conform, or not to conform. Put differently, to shave, or not to shave.

Personally, I'm sticking with the 'stache.

Guys night out meets girls night out

Guys night out consisted of seeing Borat at the $1.50 theater, followed by a trip to the Ale House for a drink and some nachos. The Ale House is a nice, new, dedicated to sports bar, similar to the Fox and Hound.

Evidently Girls night out consisted of going to the Ale House. Jeff noted the plethora of women in the restaurant when we walked in - not necessarily attractive, just numerous.

For the first time in our life, we sat in a sports bar surrounded by TV's all of which were playing women's sports.
Sharapova v. Williams.
NCAA women's basketball on the giant projection screen.
Female snow boarding.

And figure skating.

That's right, they had figure skating on multiple big screen tvs at a sports bar.

We will never go to the Ale House again.

What do Jesus, MLK, and ESPN have in common?

I just read one of the better articles I've seen on ESPN.com. If you're like me, you probably get a little annoyed with the athletes who always thank God after winning the big game - its almost cliche. However, the two head coaches in the upcoming Super Bowl are anything but insincere, and although they will be the first black head coaches ever to take a team to the Super Bowl, it's character (i.e. Jesus), not color, that separates Lovie Smith and Tony Dungy.

While Michael Smith (no, not THAT Michael Smith), the author of the above article, is trying hard to get past race issues, the NCAA can't see anything BUT color. I'm not sure exactly what the NCAA actually does, but my impression is that it's one of three things: (1) Find and punish college kids who happen to play sports and also happened to accept some cupcakes from a tailgating fan (or other similar recruiting/compensation violations); (2) Seek and destroy any college that has a mascot that resembles an Indian in any fashion; (3) Beat the "America-is-still-racist-and-we-as-a-athletic- organization-are-personally-gonna-to-fix-that" Drum until it busts. And then beat it some more. It appears that the NCAA wants to further limit universities in South Carolina and Mississippi ability to host post season tournaments/games, simply because we "display the Confederate flag." And by display the flag, they mean that there is a monument on the state house grounds that commemorates that significant part of our history, and the flag flies there. The absurdity of all this warrants no more of my time than I've already given. NCAA - sub yourself out.

The front page of ESPN.com has a huge picture and link to an article about some 20 year old kid in jail in Georgia. The whole article is basically criticizing Georgia for having what the author believes is an "antiquated law," and caricatures the Peach State as a backwards, racist place, while making this kid out to be an innocent victim of biased white southerners. Nevermind the fact that the guy had oral sex with a 15 year old, or that he did drugs as a high schooler. How an article of this nature, that argues public policy issues and grossly stereotypes an entire state, fits in a sports magazine, I don't know.

This from the same ESPN that was so quick to jump on the bandwagon that berated the Duke lacrosse players for their alleged sexual assault of a dancer, making it out to be a huge issue of race. A Black dancer. Raped by White, Middle Class, SUV driving prep school Males. Turns out they probably didn't do it (they did maintain their innocence all along), meanwhile the relentless prosecutor who's main goal in life apparently was to bring down the Duke lacrosse players is facing ethics charges from the state bar. I may only be a 1L law student, but I'm pretty sure that that's about as bad as it gets as a lawyer.

Maybe he was telling the truth?

Every now and again we get these scam artist emails about transferring $25 million into our personal account on behalf of some Nigerian prince. We usually delete them.

Sometimes, however, they can be pretty humorous. Murray used to laugh with us at the Craigslist scammers that sent him emails. This one we received recently is especially funny. We saw a special on these guys on 20/20 a few weeks back - notice how they've tailored the email to fit certain profile descriptions they've created for us (e.g. lawyer, our name, etc.)

Good Day [Sleuth],

I crave your indulgence to kindly attend to this in good faith. I do not mean any disrespect approaching you through this medium. It is due to the time constrained of this matter.

My name is Barrister Bill Johnson, a legal practitioner and the personal Attorney to Mr.Quan [Sleuth], a national of your country here in after referred to as my client. My client Mr.Quan and his family was involved in an unfortunate 21st April 2002 fatal auto crash along loftus road London in which people were burnt to death. he lost his life alone with his family.

My late client was an oil magnet working with Chevron Oil Plc United Kingdom and had left behind a deposit of Eight Million seven hundred thousand pounds only (£8.7million) with a finance company. After the death of my client, the finance company contacted me, as his Attorney to provide his next of kin who should inherit his fortune. This according to them is their policy in sure circumstances. But Since his death I have made several Enquiries through your Embassy to locate any of my client's extended relative but this exercise has proved unsuccessful. I had to inform the finance company about my fruitless effort in locating my late client close relative or his next of kin. The board of directors of the company just adopted a resolution and I was mandated to provide his next of kin for the payment of this money within the next 15 official working days or forfeit the money as an abandoned fund.

The company had planned to invoke the abandoned property decree of 1996 to confiscate the funds after the expiration of the period given to me. But after an investigation in the finance company, I found out that some members of the company wants to divert this fund into their private accounts for their own interest and only want, to use the excuse that since I am not able to look for some one to make the claim, the money should be made unserviceable and that means submitting the fund to the federal government of this country and some to the company management which is not their main intentions.

I have reasoned very professionally and I feel it will be legally proper to present you as the next of kin of my deceased client. This is legally possible and would be done in accordance with the laws of the land. I seek your consent to present you as the Next of Kin to the Deceased since you are at an advantage, bearing the same surname and equally from the same country, so that the proceeds of This Bank Account valued at £8.7 Million pounds can be paid to you, before they get confiscated or declared unserviceable to the bank where this huge deposit were lodged. note that this is legal, and 100% risk free since I have all vital documents that would be requested by them and that would confer you the legal right to make this claim.

I do sincerely sympathize the death of my client, but had thought it unprofitable for his funds to be summated to the federal government of this country. My aim now is to retrieve this fund, and for this I seek your assistance. Since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for over 3years now I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin of the deceased since you have the same last name, so that the proceeds of this account valued at £8.7 Million pounds can be paid to you and then you and me can share the money, 60%to me and 40% to you. I know there might be other persons out there with the same last name as my late client. But after a little check my instinct tells me to contact you, can I trust you on this?. Will you be willing to assist me make this claim. I shall assemble all the necessary Legal Documents that will be used to back up your claim.

I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. Please get in touch with me by alternative email billjohnson_esq@excite.com for better confidentiality and send to me your telephone and fax numbers to enable us discuss further about this transaction. My phone number is 44-76-2415-5245 Fax:+44-87-1256-3615 if this proposal is acceptable by you; do not take undue advantage of the trust I have bestowed in you, I await your urgent response.

Best regards,

Bill Johnson (Esq.)

Reply To:billjohnson_esq@excite.com

Tel:+44-76-2415-5245

Fax:+44-87-1256-3615

PLEASE TREAT AS ABSOLUTELY CONFIDENTIAL.

This may have not been a wise decision, but we responded. We couldn't resist.

Barrister Bill,
I regret to inform you that "your instinct" was wrong on this one. I believe the email address you meant to send this letter to was Ihavedumbasswrittenonmyforehead@gmail.com. Perhaps they can crave your indulgence.

Keep "reasoning professionally." You're doing great so far.

Sincerely,

J. Edgar Hoover
Director, Federal Bureau of Investigation
United States Department of Justice

SEC Football - it's a Southern thing

Most of you that know me know that I love me some college football. Especially SEC football. Especially South Carolina Gamecocks football.

I'm not unique. There are a lot of people who share my opinions - 5.5 million, to be exact. That's how many people attended SEC football games in the fall of 2005 (2006's numbers haven't been released). In case you're wondering, that's about 74,583 fans per game, and 97.4% of the SEC stadiums' capacity. That's .5 million more than attended Big 10 games, and 1.3 million more than attended Big 12 games, while the ACC is almost 2 million behind us.

The SEC is Big Boy Football, People. We don't mess around. As you probably heard repeatedly during the National Championship, the SEC is known for its speed - especially on defense. By and large, college football analysts and experts acknowledge that the SEC is "the best, toughest, wildest conference in the land."

If you ever want to hear someone whine, read the above paragraphs to a Big 10 fan. If there is such a thing as conference rivalries (and I think there is) then it doesn't get any more bitter than SEC v. Big 10. Every year I end up in a debate with some Big 10 friend about which conference is better. The issue has never been settled. Take this year for example. There were three Big 10 v. SEC bowl games (the best chance to see how the conferences match up) and the Big 10 won 2 of the 3. Of course, they lost the one that counted, the National Championship, and overall the Big 10 was 2-5 in bowl games this year, compared to the SEC's 6-3 record. And of the three SEC v. Big 10 games, that was the one that every thought had already marked as a Big 10 win.

Since 1990, the SEC is 30-23 against the Big 10 in head-to-head games (including bowls). And since the BCS began in 1998, the SEC has produced 3 national champions to the Big 10's 1 (and Auburn was denied a shot after their perfect 12-0 season in 2004).

Of course, if you think there are rivalries between SEC and Big 10, you should check out the intraconference matchups. Some of them are some of the oldest rivalries in all of college football. Some are newer. All are heated. Auburn v. Alabama. Georgia v. Florida. Tennessee v. Alabama. Georgia v. Auburn. Ole Miss v. Mississippi State. South Carolina v. Florida.
In some ways, the SEC is very much a microcosm of southern culture. There is a strong allegiance to the entire conference, and yet each state/university maintains a strong and loyal following.


I tell you all of that just so that this story about the Georgia congressman who opposed the pro-Gators resolution makes a little more sense. And maybe now I'll make a little more sense. Because I'd probably do the same thing.

Blast from the Past

Most of you Covenant folks will remember this from back in the day...I just came across it recently.

Dave Page is Flava Flav incarnate anew

"That girl was the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. I can't even describe how beautiful she was. I mean, it was like she had a face like a deer."
- Flava Dave

"Yeah, boyeeee..."
- Flava Dave




"I want a girl who looks good when she wakes up in the morning. We could take her face and dip it in dough and she’ll make some nice face-cookies. Some girls wake up, man, you could put their face in dough and you’ll get a gorilla cookie, for real!”
– Flava Flav

"Yeah, boyeeee..." - Flava Flav

Dellynnidate Update

Dellynnidate 2006 was exciting, entertaining, full of twists, and generally a pleasant success, though one wonders if any Elimidate from here on out will be able to match the fairy tale ending that made Elenadate 2005 a story for the ages.
There were a few naysayers, particularly Mr. Bintz, who lamented that Dellynnidate 2006 was "a debacle," and rumor has it that several in our company felt the bachelors had not stepped up to the plate. For the untrained eye, this may have appeared the case, but to the seasoned veterans, the whole event was both interesting and competitive.

The weekend nearly ended as soon as it began, when an external The Committee (we're still not sure who was on said committee) announced that Rabib would be Dellynne's escort to the semi-formal evening at the 1640 Hart House. With the romantic setting in a private room in one of the oldest buildings in America, and the unfortunate seating arrangement (which placed Rabib and Dellynne together at the end of the table), it appeared that Rabib had bolted to an early and insurmountable lead. I mean, Diamond Dave hadn't even arrived in Boston yet, and Rabib and Dellynne were already sharing a steak dinner. Fortunately, Murray and The Sleuth worked their wooing magic on one KZ, and Rabib's advantage was soon lost when he failed to buy Dellynne's dinner. You can hear Rabib's thoughts on the evening here.

Rabib didn't let the dinner hiccup affect his A game, however, and he continued to put the pressure on the other bachelors, taking Dellynne grocery shopping and creatively manipulating the car situation so that he and Dellynne were together on the ride to Boston, while the other bachelors were left wondering what happened as they rode alone. The tensions were high and Rabib's seemingly exclusive control of Dellynne erupted in a snowball fight among the bachelors. Murray and The Sleuth concocted a plan to disrupt Rabib's flirting, and spent the 45 minute drive to Boston text messaging Dellynne. The brilliant plan was not without its hitch, as Dellynne struggled to keep up with the two expert texters, and was ultimately confused as to which texts came from which bachelor. Although neither Murray nor The Sleuth got the edge in the texting, their plan was successful in that Rabib was no longer the center of Dellynne's attention.

The next opportunity for exclusivity came on New Year's Eve, when The Sleuth boldly bolted ahead of the meandering group and whisked Dellynne away to observe a lively street performance on the streets of downtown Boston. Upon Dellynne's confession of her unbridled attraction for black men, The Sleuth used his lawyering skills to secure Dellynne a spot in the street performance, where she was one of 4 women over whom the flying acrobat somersalted his way to a few more dollars. Had the bachelors been watching, they would have seen the black street performer put more moves on Dellynne in 30 seconds than the entire lot of Diamond Dave, Murray, The Sleuth and Rabib did all weekend. Thankfully, The Committee ruled that the street performer was ineligible, and the eligible bachelors were saved. Later that evening, The Sleuth stamped his seal of pursuit on Dellynnidate by ending 2006 and beginning 2007 with Dellynne in his arms, as they effortlessly whisked around the apartment, swing dancing to the likes of Glen Miller and company.

Murray's tendency to be a more subtle and coy pursuer is well documented, and time and space prevent me from cataloging his numerous attempts to win Dellynne's heart. But those who know the Murr Man well know that he never does anything half-assed, and when it comes to women, few can resist his boyish good looks and charming personality. Only time will tell if his playful antics will prevail.

Diamond Dave, in true fashion, was at times reserved and at times confidently forward. While he announced to the group during our Sunday morning lounge around that he was "sorta dating this girl back in Nashville" (The Committee is still out on the exact definition of "sorta dating") he was also the only bachelor to play his Timeout Card with Dellynne. His timing was nothing short of impressive, and his 15 minutes of alone time with Dellynne were spent walking arm in arm along Singing Beach off of the coast near Ipswich and Essex.

Although not a participant, because of his failure to actually show up in Boston, Macey also made his present known in Essex through his Eposts on Dellynne's Efacebook. However, his failure to be physically present ultimately cost him, and any promises of victory were empty attempts to make him fell wanted, bless his heart.

In the end, Dellynne refused to name a winner (probably because she had no idea she would be IN Dellynnidate until she arrived in Boston, and because she did not want to risk offending any of her brother's friends). However, she did offer the following thoughts on the whole weekend:

The Sleuth, my neck looks bigger than my dad's [a reference to the tshirt]. But, who cares... you look good [I know].
Murray- leaves early. and, he's running his own business and stuff, he's too busy for Bostonian liberals.
Diamond Dave- is he available? hmmm... hard to say. plus, he may end up marrying a beautiful African lady, and who am I to stand in the way?
Rabib- don't know. he's at least within a reasonable distance. But, he's running off to get a doctorate somewhere...
The Sleuth- available- but, distance is an issue. Plus, he smokes a pipe, nobody likes a pipe smoker [for the record, Dellynne is the only girl we know who in fact owns her own pipe, and smokes it]. Macey- from Lakeland, his biggest appeal. But, maybe I don't want a Lakeland guy... plus, he didn't put in the effort to be here... he therefore must lose.

Dellynnidate 2006. She won't vote, so you must...cast your vote now.

Boston, here we come

Dellynnidate 2006. Let the games begin.

Christmas in Chapin

Two little elves.

If you can imagine the choir from Charlie Brown Christmas, you can imagine what she sounds like.

TOO MUCH EGGNOG.

I can't think of a cuter picture.

CHRISTMAS MORNING...NO ONE goes downstairs until we've taken a picture on the steps.

A Christmas Eve tradition - Paintball at the Luther's. In a few hours, these same four gunners will transform into a string quartet of Bachish flair at the Christmas Eve service.
Mighty Morphin Paintball Stringers.

NOAH. Assassin.

What I usually do on holidays, or Sundays, or any day where we eat a big meal and then lounge around. I'm gonna make a totally sweet Grandpa one day.

Keira Knightley fans. Two boys after my own heart.

Merry Christmas from Manville

Dave Page at his merriest. Perhaps ol' Evan or Jack had just visited...

Top 10 reasons you know you go to law school in South Carolina

10. Your professor's final exams always make derogatory references to Clemson and its graduates (e.g. please sign your name at the top of the exam packet, or if a Clemson graduate with special permission, make your mark; or fact patterns refer to a student from Clemdaughter, a Clemson graduate named Guber, etc.)

9. Your reading (for ANY class) regularly involves statements to the effect of "the vast majority of states recognize XX legal doctrine, with the exception of South Carolina" (e.g. SC the only state that doesn't recognize res ipsa loquitur, SC only state with 20 year theory of adverse possession, SC one of two states that still has fee simple conditional posessory estate, no second degree murder in SC, etc.)

8. Even the community desk/bench (it's large and semicircular, perhaps even a BFD) in the law school lobby, which students use for everything from eating to studying, has some serious history behind it. It was handcrafted as the first bench in the original South Carolina Supreme Court.

7. The winning class (2 year lawyer wannabes) in the annual Harvest Hope Food Drive won with 29,381 pounds of foot, probably 29,000 lbs. of which were large 50lb. bags of salt. And yet the law school thought this was pro bono enough of them to put pictures on the web page. Perhaps the 2L's got confused, and thought that instead of helping needy families, the food drive was actually a environmental effort to replenish the ocean's salt supply.

6. Despite your love for our glorious state (and all things South Carolina), you secretly hoped that the Charleston School of Law would not get accredited. When it passed accreditation a few weeks ago, you secretly hoped Charleston might try to secede from the state, and take its law school with it.

5. Your school's most notable publication is the ABA Real Property, Probate and Trust Journal, the premier scholarly publication in the property and probate fields (it is the second largest law review in the country). Which is ironic, given that South Carolina is somewhat of a property law anomaly (see #9 above).

4. Your professors will call on you repeatedly simply because you wear a shirt containing any shade of orange. You will also be ostracized/ridiculed by your classmates (except for the other gubers wearing orange).

3. Bow ties are a common clothing accessory among faculty and students alike.

2. Some guys in the back row dip while taking their finals.

1. With 20 minutes left during your last final exam, you hear the pop of an aluminum can being opened...one of your classmates hands in his exam and walks across the front of the classroom with a small brown bag in hand. He turns, waves to the class, and chugs the whole beer as he exits the room.

Chelsea 1-1 Arsenal: Essien wonder goal

I was cruising ESPN Soccernet last week, killing some time and getting my football fix for the day.

Arsenal had faced off against Chelsea the day before, so I read the recap.

"Essien rescued Chelsea with a 35-yard thunderbolt six minutes from the end and the home side were unlucky to finish on level terms when they twice hit the woodwork in stoppage time."

I searched in vain for video footage of the 35 yard thunderbolt - surely a shot like that is worth watching. Thanks to Johnny T, however, the search is over.

As Macey and I used to say - an absolute howitzer.

Monday's with Murray: Musings on food and the character of some friends while eating at a diner with Winston

We know most of you Subscribers probably wet yourself with excitement when you saw this Blog post title. He's back!

Indeed, our beloved Murray has returned (by proxy). And, with the highly anticipated reunion over New Year's Eve in Boston, we're sure there will be more where this came from...

[The following is from a recent Blackberry email from Murray entitled "Musings on food and the character of some friends while eating at a diner with Winston." We have inserted bracketed explanations for your reading ease - Eds.]

There's Winston [third founding member of MPC and current Project Manager] who always orders the worst thing on the menu ("egg sandwich sunny side up"). Characteristic of his bad taste in pop culture and most food.

Jamey ["Cool" Poole] who always eats free (years of practicing golf have finally paid off). Ironic since Jamey doesn't come across as much of a gambler.

Slippery [if you don't know who Slippery is...] who always eats free... at home instead of eating out with us. Before he got slippery he was known as Stingy Sleuth.

Andy Givens [Murray's Pensacola roommate] who always upsets the waitress ("would you like a beer?" "No just cheerios and orange juice" after being singled out for a driver's license at Big Bear). Andy likes to upset people.

Brien [Murray] who is always stuck with Jamey's bill. Typical of his ill-luck with golf.

Scott Hudson who always orders the best thing on the menu (and probably most expensive). Scott demands the best in quality and is willing to pay for it.

Miller Weedn [MPC salesman] who always eats out three times a day, 7 days a week. Miller Time to find a wife.

Christmas Cheers

Thanks to Noel and Elissa, the past few years have seen a new staple of Christmas celebrations - the Saint Arnold Christmas Ale. Noel found this local microbrewery somewhere in Houston a few years back, and he's been supplying us with a steady stream ever since. After all, you've got to support a brewery that makes a beer named after your wife.


Well, now its my turn to add to the Christmas spirit(s). And so, I present to you [drum roll]...


Santa's Butt. And his helper, Seriously Bad Elf.


No joke. And there's more where they came from.

You may have heard about them in the news recently - apparently Maine has banned the sale of Santa's Butt - sketchy advertising or something like that. And for holiday reading, you can check out the Brewery's take on the whole debacle in their beer blog.

For now, I just want to try an English Ale that is 9.0%.

Law School Exams, Day 4

Quote of the week:

"Don't get icing on your fingers. When I hand you this piece of cake." - Martin McWilliams (my Contracts professor), as he handed out our exams.


If that was a piece of cake, then I'll pass on desert.

Law School Exams, Day 2: Thoughts on Day 1

Noel, Gilli, Tricia, Paige, and all my fellow Apple mates, you will find this particularly nauseating.

USC now (as of this school year) began requiring all law students to own a laptop. Unbeknownst to me (prior the semester) the requirement was that all law students own a PC laptop.

Let the discrimination/frustration/superiority complex begin.

First, there is a fairly cumbersome procedure one must go through every time one attempts to access the law school wireless. My PC user friends have all had trouble with it at some point this semester. I have not.

Mac 1 - Bill Gates 0.

The one time I DID have trouble (at the very beginning of the semester) I was turned away by the law school IT guy because they don't support Mac. I figured out the problem on my own.

Mac and Me 2 (since I discovered the solution) - Law School Techie who apparently has an old 486 shoved up his butt, 0.

Now the fun begins. The laptop requirement exists because of an evil program called Secure Exam. Secure Exam hates Macs. Actually, from my experience, it doesn't get along well with PC's either. Secure Exam was probably created by kids who don't play well with others.

Here's how it works:
1. Shut down all programs.
2. Access USC wireless.
3. Log in to Clean Access Agent - I have no idea what this does.
4. Log into VPN Client - extra protection hoop for wireless access.
5. Log into Secure Exam.
6. At this point, your entire computer is frozen except for Secure Exam - no accessing the internet, other files, etc. And if you're computer shuts down, it logs automatically back into Secure Exam, and you can't get out of it without a Proctor's password.

Again, this doesn't work with Apple computers.

So if you're a Mac user, you're SOL. A month ago I was informed that I would have to find a PC to borrow during exams. Difficulty #1, who can just loan a laptop out for 2 weeks? Difficulty #2, Secure Exam requires you to delete all antivirus protection (Norton, McAfee, etc.) and turn off a bunch of other stuff I don't understand (and neither to the IT guys). I find it no coincidence that USC announced this fall that they are hiring/creating a new Head of IT position for next year.

After deleting all of the protective software and updates etc. from my mom's computer and spending an entire Saturday in the library downloading and installing all the necessary programs, Secure Exam still did not work.

I gave up. Also, I swore a lot.

USC finally owned up to their ignorance, at least partially, and offered a loaner computer to Mac users during exams this fall. Since they claim this is a one time deal, I may still have to purchase a PC for next spring.

NOW...

Prior to yesterday's first exam, our class received an email stating that, inter alia, Secure Exam has found a glitch where if you attempt to use word count or spell check (both of which are important because our profs are sticklers about spelling and length of answers) there is a 15% chance the program will freeze and you will lose your work entirely. Brilliant.

Query: What Mac has EVER frozen from running a word count or spell check?
Answer: None. No not one.
Mac 3 - USC, Secure Exam, Bill Gates, and all PC's in general, 0. Minus 1 million for every brain cell you caused me to lose, and because I hate you. So now, -1 million.


Further, just minutes prior to taking the exam, our proctor instructed us that at least 5 or 10 of us would get an error message when attempting to upload our completed exam - alert her IMMEDIATELY or all is lost.

Thankfully, my loaner computer worked fine. Not everyone can say the same - some folks had trouble logging in before the exam started. Some folks had error messages regarding the completed exam. I think we all survived. But thanks to the PC world, our first exams in law school are even more stressful than they should be.

And to think I get to do it all over again on Friday...